The Boy is having his surgery soon. I woke up to feed Meatball (who had been sleeping through for the past 3 nights, but I guess he changed his mind) and couldn't get back to sleep. So here I am.
It may seem like more of the same...this kid is going into the hospital AGAIN; so what? This is different, though. This isn't just another scheduled treatment or unscheduled fever visit that is to be expected. This is surgery to remove a new spot on his liver which REALLY shouldn't be there.
An ultrasound before the surgery will confirm that the lesion on his liver is, in fact, still there. It may have disappeared, but I'm not banking on it.
We don't know what will come next. We don't know if this is more cancer or if it is an infection or just some sort of other irregularity. If it is more cancer, we don't know what direction his treatment will take. The doctors have already been looking for the next treatment option.
I don't know what I feel anymore. In some respects I envy my husband, who actually still has emotions left. He feels everything more strongly and always has. He is sensitive and caring, and he is a world-class father to our boys. The Boy and he have such a connection, and he and my mother will be the ones to pull him through this, as they always do. Due to my obligations with Meatball, I'm generally the third starter in the rotation, but fortunately we have Aunt Jeanne here to help with Meatball. I don't know how to fit her into the baseball analogy so I'll just call that off. Anyhow, it did feel nice to snuggle with The Boy last night. It's rare that he actually allows it, but Daddy and Grandma weren't there at the moment so he put up with me.
I'm definitely glad that we are here in Pittsburgh for all of this. It would be impossible in so many ways if we were not. It may have been difficult for other people, our move here, but guess what--it's about us. It's about our family and what we need is to be here, with my family and the network of people here. Oh yea, and the world-class Children's Hospital.
I don't have much else to say...just keep praying, I guess.