Sunday, October 11, 2009

I should have...

I saw a mother and son at the supermarket today while I was with the boys. The little boy was about 5 years old and had hearing aids. I wanted to approach them and ask some questions, but I was worried about imposing upon her.

That was stupid.

I should have talked to her. The worst that would happen is that she'd tell me to get lost. If someone approached me and started asking me questions about cancer, saying that their child was recently diagnosed, I'd engage that person in conversation and likely exchange contact information. I'd try to be as much of a resource as I could, and never once would it cross my mind that this person was imposing upon me.

I don't know if that's just me or if most people whose children have some sort of major issue feel that they can and should help others to deal with it if they can.

Any thoughts?

We spent the weekend really running The Boy around, knowing that he had good white counts. I know the pattern pretty well; since Friday's ANC was over 10,000, and he had a dose of Neupogen that day, it is likely that Saturday's was similar if not higher, while today's is probably on its way down because he has to make his own without the help of the shot.

Friday night we went to the football game with Daddy and the band. The Boy was running and playing and picking up flags and socializing. Meatball was in the carrier with me for a good chunk of the evening but was passed around during the time when I was chasing The Boy.

Side note: I have finally figured out how to nurse Meatball in the ErgoBaby carrier, and I managed to do so while bagging groceries on Friday.

Saturday, we went out to breakfast and walked to the farmer's market. Musical Daddy and I both gave blood, as there was a bloodmobile there and we could take turns watching the kids. The Boy made an appearance and of course the nurses there were thrilled to see him. The guy that did my blood was GOOD at what he did. He looked at my veins before sticking me and could see which was fast and which wasn't, and he picked a good one because I gave a pint of blood in 7 minutes. Got a little dizzy after that.

We had an early dinner and went to the playground. Good times. Meatball didn't feel like going to bed early.

Today, after Daddy got home, we ate and napped. It was quite remarkable--Meatball was crying, and I put him down because he really didn't want to be held. Daddy was about to take him elsewhere (thank you, because I wanted the nap) and he fell asleep. More remarkable? He woke up a little while later and I grabbed him and nursed him back to sleep. That rarely happens during the day. We actually got a real family nap!

After the nap, we went to the Watchung Reservation playground. This is a much larger playground than the one down the street. It was great fun, although The Boy didn't want to keep his jacket on despite the fact that he was shivering. Once it got to a certain point, we said he could keep the jacket on or we'd leave. We left. Oh well.

Dinner with Grandpa. Then home. Meatball wasn't in the mood...for anything. I bathed him and tried to get him to sleep. Not quite. He just raged the whole time. Eventually I fed him again and sleep came.

If he ditches the early bedtime thing, Tuesday and Thursday nights are going to be very difficult for me.

I still think that his angst-filled first month has contributed to the fact that he is really a non-soother. If he is upset, snuggles don't work. Picking him up when he is mad and bored will sometimes help, but in general, he cries. He won't be snuggled to sleep and he doesn't like being held unless he is being played with. Fortunately, since he is old enough to be amused, he is less upset in general, but he cries himself to sleep quite frequently, and there's frequently nothing that I can do about it. I hold him and know that he's tired, but he won't nurse, and he rages on. I put him down in the carseat to go out or even just in the bassinet and after a few minutes of crying, he falls asleep. Sometimes he falls asleep without fanfare in the carrier but even there it frequently takes some crying before he falls asleep. The sleepy cry is very obvious--it is more squeaky than anything else. The hungry/angry cry doesn't have the squeakiness in it.

We were wondering if maybe we wanted to try reverse training him...trying to teach him that the best way to soothe himself is in someone's arms...but I don't know how we'd do that. And I don't know if we could--maybe he's just always going to be that way.

So many parents want their babies to be able to soothe themselves and leave them to cry in order that they will do so. We want our Meatball to fall asleep in our arms more often.

5 comments:

JC said...

I know it's weird, but my grandbaby is the same way with the soothing. Maybe they are just oversensitive to touch. I went to high school with a girl whose little boy had neuroblastoma. He has a hearing aid. I could get her phone number for you or she is also on facebook. I know you are scared right now. Talking helps. If there is every anything I can do....

Sarah R said...

I bet it's just a difference in personality. It is amazing how you can raise your kids the same and then one isn't a big snuggler. It still has to be hard. The only thing I can say is persistence is key? That's what they say when people get their kids to cry to sleep, so I would imagine the reverse would be true. Good luck!

PS, the next time I am able to give blood (as in, non-pregnant), I definitely will. It's the least I can do... ♥

Sarah said...

My thoughts- work with the kid and what is working for him. It goes against what you think is right, but at the same time if it works for him then maybe that is the right thing.

Can you give nursing in a sling while bagging grocery lessons please?

In general it must be a mommy thing to chat about stuff, share ideas, and offer support. I dont mind if other mothers engage me in conversation at all.

Dana said...

I think next time you are tempted to ask another mom about sometime like their childs hearing aid that YES you should do it! My office mate has a little boy that was born at 24 weeks and has major hearing loss because of it. He has a cochlear implant that he got at 15 months.

She is approached ALL THE TIME and she has met so many people through her time spent at AI Hospital and a feeding clinic (he also has feeding issues from being born so early). Anyway she is always willing to talk to other moms and help them out and like you said the worst the other mom can say is back off. If so then that's her loss. You just keep doing what you're doing and take care of those boys :)

Heather said...

Abby was a snuggler and still is but Audrey is NOT. I don't purposly attempt CIO but that is really the only way Audrey will go to sleep. She has to be in her bed and she has to cry. We make it worse when we go in there. Unless you count last night when she was crying because she had taken her jammies and diaper off and had peed everywhere. THEN she wanted us.