Friday, October 3, 2008

Back to life...back to reality

We're home. Everything is "okay" and The Boy is himself again. Except that he's still not eating much. Today at lunchtime, he had carrots and that's pretty much it. I spooned him some broth, and he might have had a noodle and a bite of broccoli. Some carrot did come back up but I think that's because he tried to shove the whole thing in there. It just came up as chewed carrot.

I'm starting to wonder if maybe I would have been better off taking this semester off from work. Hindsight being 20/20 of course. We were not under the impression that things were going to be this time-intensive in terms of The Boy's various treatment-related battles. We just thought that he'd go for treatments or tests once a week and that would be that. I am starting to feel as though I am not giving 100% to my job, and my students and colleagues (and administrators) deserve better than what I'm giving them. As these are extraordinary circumstances, everyone understands. And my mediocre is still better than plenty of "bests" at the risk of tooting my own horn (figuratively speaking). But by the same token, maybe The Boy would be better off with Mommy at home.

On the other hand, our situation is pretty good, as Musical Daddy reminded me. The Boy goes to Ms. R, who lives very close by, and she rarely watches any other kids (just one school-aged girl on occasion for an hour or half-day here and there). Musical Daddy has a job that is close to home and close to Ms. R. We don't live terrifically far from the hospital, either. Musical Daddy's father is retired and has a flexible schedule and lives near the hospital (in the opposite direction from where we live), and his sister-in-law works in another department of the hospital, so she is sometimes able to help. Additionally, Aunt M. offers help and comes in from time to time, and my parents have made the effort to visit about once a month since The Boy was born. My mother stayed with us for two weeks, first to help while Musical Daddy was away, then for The Boy's birthday, and then because we thought that The Boy would be having his surgery.

So there's really no reason for me to leave my job (temporarily) other than a hefty dose of mommy-guilt. See, The Boy doesn't drink much most of the time. He nurses during the night and whenever he is around me. I do my best to send fruits and veggies with a high water content as part of his lunches. He does a better job of drinking water and juice with meals when he's with me as opposed to when he's not. He also does a better job of napping when he's with me or Musical Daddy. He's usually whiny and exhausted when I pick him up in the afternoon. Ms. R. just doesn't have much of a solution (and neither do we) to the problem of The Boy's refusal to sleep in any crib or playpen. Anyhow...if he were sleeping better and nursing during the day, would he be able to avoid the problems that he's had? Probably so.

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