Kol Nidrei is a funny prayer that we say at the start of Yom Kippur in which we say that any vows and promises and such that we make from now until next year, we shouldn't hold ourselves to them and we are absolved of responsibility. Not that it means that we don't try, but we acknowledge that we are flawed, and we are imperfect.
My intention is to be more patient and loving with my children and husband. To take better care of myself by eating well and exercising more, and practicing my instrument more. To take better care of my family of origin. I'll work on it, and I'll probably do better too, but I'm not expecting perfection.
I haven't really observed Yom Kippur since I became a mother. And I don't just mean that I didn't fast--I barely even made it to services at all.
2007 (or, 5768), The Boy had been in the emergency room for stomach issues, at 3 weeks old. You know, back when we thought that exorcism-style vomiting was the scariest thing that we could see as a parent. I needed to take care of him, and more specifically, I needed to regulate things in the feeding department.
2008 was a fever-related hospitalization for The Boy, after diagnosis and before the official relapse diagnosis (although we suspected something even at that time).
2009 I was home with Meatball and mastitis while Musical Daddy was in the hospital with The Boy for chemo. Since the cure for mastitis is to apply baby to affected area, that's what I did. I made it to Kol Nidrei services, but barely.
Now, in 2010, or 5771, I have two healthy children and I, myself, am healthy. We will bring the kids a little bit to services and the programs for their age group, for as long as they have the patience. Our biggest concern is probably getting The Boy to the bathroom on time. It's a whole different ballgame.
From last Yom Kippur to this one, the biggest changes in our lives are the state of The Boy's health and the location of our family. And the lack of employment for both of us. But we're working on the last part as much as we can.
I have started to submit paperwork to substitute teach music in a few districts that I know have strong orchestra programs. I guess I'm holding out a little hope that I can actually get a music teaching job, eventually.
Last year around this time I had a sick The Boy and an angry, but recovering, Meatball. This year they are so happy and have so much fun. They play together, run around the house, tackle Daddy, and give kisses.
Meatball has really started to take off with his words. Last night he was very excited for "bath" and this morning he brushed his "teesh" (teeth). I thought I heard him tell me "no" when I put him in his carseat. He is also taking off with his walking. He is already voicing opinions, such as, if he doesn't want to leave somewhere, he gets mad.
The Boy is sweet and precious and sensitive. And something of a pain in the way that 3-year-olds tend to be. But mostly, he is a joy and a treasure. We're just so glad to see him have the energy to talk back to us.