Friday, May 7, 2010

Stick together

Our therapist, during our biweekly meeting, reminded us that it is essential for the health of the family that Mom and Dad have an emotionally healthy relationship. Meaning us.

What, we go to therapy? We aren't going for couple's therapy per se, because our relationship has fared amazingly well despite forces that might have had a negative effect. We, as two cancer-parents, have a lot of issues through which we need to work on the road to normal. What, you haven't been in therapy for almost two years? No, but it couldn't have hurt.

Anyhow, I keep this in mind when dealing with The Boy. I remember it also when negotiating with others over parenting issues that ate, in the long run, not so significant. Not that we want to go against our own parents or other family members just for the sake of being contrary, but the MOST important issue, when parents make a decision, is that they have conferenced on the subject and present a united front to the child.

It is difficult, because some decisions are made on the fly. What can and cannot be served at dinner, whether bedtime is NOW or whether it follows one more book or game or show.

Even so, it is important for the couple, the parents, to meet their emotional needs through each other. Not their children, not their parents. Yes, Parents do meet emotional needs in children but the difference is clear, or should be. Then the relationship will be better able to survive things line the baby phase and resultant sleep deprivation. And, furthermore, the fact that children require so much physical attention may leave mothers (usually the mothers) feeling touched out; even so, a strong relationship survives. Or, as in our case, the stress of caring for a sick child left us drained, yet we knew that we were there for each other.

Meatball is 10 months old as of Wednesday. Just past The Boy at the age of his diagnosis. Everything that he does is new now, even though he is our second child. He is really interested in walking. He climbs stairs really well. Loves to eat, of course. Loves to nurse, although we have had as few as 4 nursing during the day. And rarely does he nurse at night. Of course, I wish that sometimes he would want to sleep in bed with us but he has no interest. Would have been nice last month when he would not sleep in the pack n play.

Two potty hits today for The Boy. One was a stealth pee; the other was a big yucky poo right before bed. We may need to watch his diet, or perhaps we have a stomach thing, or both. Point is, he actually said he wanted to go and did. I'm very glad that he isn't scared to poo in the potty. Cup peeing, here we come!

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