Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Give me direction...

And give me hope...

We are at a frustrating point with The Boy in particularly and to some extent with Meatball as well, where it seems like we're losing our patience and acting out in retaliation to them, in ways that don't really mesh with our actual parenting philosophy. What we actually believe is that positive modeling, logical and natural consequences, and respect for our children as people, while still being sure to enforce boundaries, will lead to children with healthier attitudes and better citizenship in the long run.

In my clear-headed moments, I know that my children--Meatball in particular because he has had a typical development without the medical involvements--act in an age-appropriate fashion and they do what other kids their age do.

Just now, I had a stand-off with Meatball about cleaning up a mess that he made. Considering that everyone in this house does a poor job of actually holding the kids accountable for cleaning up after themselves, it's no surprise that he refuses to help out despite clearly being responsible. I behaved horribly. I got him to clean up a little and then he wanted to play more. Naturally. I redirected him to the mess over and over, raising my voice more and more...and I ended up taking the toy away. I guess the problem was, if I wanted to take the toy away, I still had to clean it up, so I lose either way.

Someone please tell me that the gentle approach works...because I really want to throw every toy out the window in violent fashion and I'm that doesn't set the right example for the children.

1 comment:

alltherage said...

It works. I am the Queen of losing my cool with my kid but in the end neither of us feels good about it. If I keep my cool and remember to pick my battles then we have more good days then bad. In the end, I've found that my biggest problem is letting go of the little things. Should Meatball pick up his toys? yes. Will the world come crashing down if he doesn't or if you help him? no. I promise, he will eventually learn this skill. It will just take some time.