The Logical Mommy

Shift

2012-01-28T23:43:00.002-05:00

Thankfully, Musical Daddy's schedule changes as of next week and he no longer has to work late on Monday and Friday. While I enjoyed those mornings, I did NOT enjoy those evenings, and I'm more than happy to bid those farewell.

I'm certainly not the first mother to have a husband working "second shift" and not having dinner together as a family as often. Doesn't mean I have to like it.

My current project is looking at local elementary schools to see where we might want to send our children. We have another year after this one for The Boy. The cutoff was moved from September 1 to October 1, but even so, with a birthday of August 30, he'd do well with an extra year.

He can read (on his IEP it was written that he reads at a first grade level). He can write. He can add. I'm pretty sure that by next year, The Bear will be doing those things. Yes, I realize he'll be 3. You need to realize that he's ridiculously smart. Anyhow, I don't send my kids to school for the academics. It's preschool. I send them there to learn how to work in a group, follow directions, behave in an organized fashion, and play nicely. Those things are far more important when it comes to functioning in a school community and later on, the workplace. Sure, the content is important, but that's not really going to change from one building to another. Your intelligence and knowledge won't get you a job if you didn't learn how to talk nicely to other people and wait your turn.

Ender is a super-chunk. Did I mention that he is 20 pounds at 6 months old? He is so happy and sweet, and baby-led weaning (using the British definition for "weaning" which means the intro to food) is once again a big hit.

Still breastfeeding, of course, Bare minimum is 18 months, for my kids (and I wish that I hadn't listened and stopped nursing The Boy at 15 months). Ask me in a year when I plan to stop breastfeeding and I'll say "about 5 minutes, or whenever he's done. Then he'll have more later."

Overall, things are just fine over here. We're busy. We get through our day with as much love and kindness as we can.

Little Indulgences

2012-01-16T20:10:00.001-05:00

If you are not a parent of more than one child, this won't make much sense to you.

Getting together with your kids one at a time, if you can, morphs the whole experience from a constant game of Whac-A-Mole into a truly pleasant experience. Right now I am lying in bed with JUST the baby, nursing him, while Daddy bathes the other two. It is so relaxing.

The Boy is at an age where, most of the time, he can be taken places and I really enjoy myself. Or in the case of yesterday, Daddy took just him to see Beauty and the Beast in 3D. I have taken him to shows, and while he does not always pay attention the whole time, he sits and does not screw around.

Difficult age for The Bear. 2.5 years old is too young to sit still and too old to cuddle. So we find our special outings elsewhere. Walks are great, as is playground time, and even meals out.

We are lucky that our kids, while they are far from quiet little church mice, we can take them out for a meal or an outing and they will be pretty civil.

In other news, Ender is 6 months old today! We moved his first meal at the table forward a day, so that everyone could be there. Here are the results of yesterday's and today's dining adventures. Broccoli, cucumber, and green beans, so far.

Just what they ordered

2012-01-07T22:49:00.001-05:00

We were blessed today with unseasonably warm weather and also "blessed" with some major attitude problems from The Boy. He has decided that he wants to fight about everything and not do things for himself such as get himself dressed (which I know he can do with no problem, because when he learned how to do it, he'd get up at 1 AM and dress himself, just because he could). The Bear was getting antsy too, so I decided that it was time to get the heck out of the house and go to the Blue Slide Park.

It was just what we needed. And for that hour and a half or so, everything was hunky-dory. Is that even a word?

Ender even sat in the swing a little bit. He was unimpressed.

Playing in the snow

2012-01-03T16:19:00.001-05:00

When kids are as little as mine...it's a great idea in theory, but in practice the fun had for effort made just doesn't measure up.

It's more fun when all of the kids don't have to be out at the same time, because The Boy at nearly 4.5 years old was ready to stay out for longer than the 10 minutes that Ender lasted.

Bring the noise

2012-01-01T23:59:00.001-05:00

Welcome to yet another year of being in flux.

Job situations for us are questionable, with a likely settling for Musical Daddy into a distinctly non-musical job. I guess eventually it became too much to bear, pouring his heart and soul into this very personal and passion-filled work, only to be met with horse crap from above.

I'm in a bit of a personal rut right now, and I think in one sense I might do well to return to some of the old ways. I should worry less about the long term, particularly that over which I have no control, and just try to make each day count.

In about two weeks, Ender will reach his half-birthday. Six months already!! It will be time for him to start table food. He has been exclusively on Mom milk. As such, I can take credit for his amazing growth. He is SO tall! When they start eating other food (really not right away when I start serving it to them), it isn't all me anymore.

It's the natural order, and it's the right time, but it just means my baby is growing up. My redemption baby. My victory baby. The Boy's little tiny buddy.

So bring on the noise of 2012. I'll handle it one day at a time.

New Year

2011-12-31T23:14:00.001-05:00

It's the end of 2011 and I have three sleeping children. Last year at this time I think I had one sleeping child, one awake, and of course one in utero. Last year we were able to get away; this year, of course, we had been away already and were not about to go anywhere else.

So what's new? Obviously, the baby. That's the biggest new item. The other boys are so grown up by comparison!

Last year Musical Daddy was working a temp job that was clearly a short-term assignment. This year, right around the time that school would have started, he was picked up for a temp-to-hire gig. No word yet on the "hire" part, as he does have to stay a temp for a certain amount of time as part of the contract. But a job that might be permanent with a company that does good business and is growing is never a bad thing. Don't like the hours much and I lament the loss of family meal time. Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday dinners. Monday and Friday (and sometimes Saturday or Sunday) breakfasts. Lunch is usually a catch-as-catch can for everyone, although The Bear and I usually dine together when only The Boy is in school.

I've started to get more musically involved with my congregation. It's been fun. And it's been a great professional opportunity.

Musical Daddy has his chorus job. You know, the one where he can go out with 50 or 60 women, come back with makeup on his shirt, and I just say "how was the show?" The chorus makes me want to get back into barbershopping, but seeing as how his involvement with the chorus isn't going anywhere, we hope, I might be able to get involved sometime later. Orchestra happens at the same time, unfortunately.

This evening, we went to visit with friends. They moved here over the summer, but I had known her for years. We did a lot of the same things in college, including Sigma Alpha Iota (Alpha Chapter!), marching band euphonium section (although I didn't last long), university choir, and a summer program where we were counselors (and later I was an instructor). She has a daughter who just turned 2.

I have to kvell from their house a bit. It is the perfect size and layout. It has a gorgeous kitchen and the open layout from the kitchen to the dining room. I would love to have a kitchen like that or like the one here. They also have just the right amount of toys, not too many as I feel we have, and the furniture is great. It's in a very nice suburb, and they live about a mile outside of the city.

I'm hoping for a little more direction in 2012. Perpetually hoping for more patience. And I am going back into healthy cooking mode and fewer meals out. I don't know what I weigh right now, and it's not about a number, but I feel better when I eat real food. Beyond that, New Years is a bit of a reboot. Feels good. Let's hope we all have a good one.

Vacation wrap up

2011-12-31T22:35:00.001-05:00

This was supposed to post 2 days ago. Here it is:

On Day 6, The Boy woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Just cranky and grouchy. The thought of going to Disneyworld with him that morning wasn't a pleasant one. Instead, we remained at the village and planned on a leisurely morning. Good choice--they had a little carnival that morning as the Notre Dame and Florida State football teams came to visit. It was great fun. Highlights included The Bear dunking a basketball, big burly football players on the carousel, and The Boy spelling out "Go Noles" in blocks.

Our last trip to Disneyworld was to Hollywood studios. That is new since my last visit in the late 1980's! We did the Toy Story ride twice. We saw the Osborne family lights, had dinner at the Sci Fi drive in theater, and had an enjoyable evening that we wisely ended before there were any meltdowns.

We packed that night and woke up nice and early for our plane. No problems with the return travel and everything even fit in the car. Musical Daddy should offer services as a car packing consultant.

Today at home was low-key and somewhat restful. We are bummed that vacation is over, but hopefully the trip served as a recharge. I have already made lots of homemade food--I missed it, even though the cafe meals at the village were nice and we had some fun food at the parks.

We have hundreds of photos! Will be sharing soon.

Day 5 -- SeaWorld!!

2011-12-26T18:36:00.001-05:00

In the words of Daniel Tosh, in response to sweets with nuts put in them: "Quit trying to healthy up my dessert!" That was my initial reaction to SeaWorld--seemed like an awful lot of education for an amusement park. Except there was so much more interaction than what you get at the zoo. We got to touch stingrays and see dolphins. We saw the "One Ocean" whale show which was lots of fun.

I had read the book Whale Done Parenting, written by a couple of whom one is a whale trainer at SeaWorld. Basically, the book takes the model of rewarding and encouraging the positive and ignoring or redirecting the negative and compares it to children vs. whales. Interesting part of the book was where they described how to train whales to pee in a cup.

Anyhow, I remembered that as I watched the show, and I was amused.

The fact that it was rather overcast today and not too hot, and having brought Grandpa with us as well, really made this a fun outing. Before and after the show, we spent much of the time at Shamu's Happy Harbor, which was the kid's area. We did Shamu Express, and while The Bear was tall enough, he was a bit scared by it. He loved the flying jellyfish ride, though.

There was a large webbed structure with tunnels and such, for climbing and playing. The Boy did the whole thing. So did The Bear. As such, we the parents did too. Good thing we are in good physical condition with working knees.

In general there was a lot less complaining today and it was also a lot less crowded. Since SeaWorld also exists closer to where we live, we shall have to return using our GKTW passport.

Oh--that's another neat thing about the magic GKTW button. For a year after you leave, you may visit participating parks for free. That includes a LOT of places. Kennywood ( our local amusement park), Hershey Park, Sesame Place, and, I think, SeaWorld. And you can do whichever ones you like.

Although I think I'm amused enough for awhile, after tomorrow.

Day 4 (which was yesterday...)

2011-12-26T17:03:00.001-05:00

Christmas does not stop people from descending on Disney World! We started yesterday at Animal Kingdom and stayed until late lunchtime. I brought food, which did at least save us money and some time (although I think we just broke even, time-wise).

It was a fun morning. We did another 3D show called "It's Tough to Be a Bug" which The Boy loved and The Bear found a bit scary. We did a walk through the jungle to see some animals (bats, for example, as well as tigers). We spent a bunch of time in DinoLand, where The Bear was all about the Triceratops ride.

The return to the villa for a nap was complicated by the fact that The Bear slept in the car and was put in bed of to be awakened by poo...so his nap was shot. As was Daddy's. The Bear and Ender stayed with Grandma and Grandpa yesterday evening and The Boy and Daddy and I returned to the Magic Kingdom. It was at capacity earlier in the day and was pretty darned crowded when we were there.

Magic Kingdom at night is gorgeous. No question about that. The castle is all lit up and they have trees lit up everywhere this time of year. And yes, it snowed on Main Street.

We did a few parts that we hadn't do e yet, including a Safari ride and The Haunted Mansion. Dinner was a fancy meal at The Liberty Tree Tavern, served family-style. It was an amazing festive meal. Turkey, roast beef, pork which we didn't get of course, along with stuffing, potatoes, green beans cauliflower, macaroni, and bread, and salad. And dessert was apple-cranberry cake with ice cream. Expensive, but well within our "budget."

Getting back to our car in the midst of the electric light parade took forever. And the monorail took forever. Definite drawback of the whole Disneyworld thing--it takes quite awhile just to get to the parks.

When we returned to the villa, I watched a silly Christmas chick flick with my mom. Not sure why.

Disneyworld may be a happy place but the sheer crowded nature of the parks combined with the heat and the cranky kids makes for a little too much stimulation. Even so, the special button that we get to wear makes everyone treat us extra-nice. Little to no wait. I'd go nuts if I had to wait an hour with the boys for anything!

Day 3: different plans

2011-12-24T22:01:00.001-05:00

Today I sent Daddy, The Boy, and Grandpa to Universal Studio's Islands of Adventure. They arrived back a bit before 3PM and had a great time.

The Bear was in need of a more low-key day. He's 2. And 2 and 4 year olds have different needs and wants sometimes. After breakfast and sending off the park-goers, The Bear and I headed for the big Candyland playground here at the village. Following that, we stopped back at our place to get Ender settled back in with Grandma and we headed for the splash pad (spray park) and pool. We had such a great time, just us again.

We had lunch of leftovers, and then Ender and I went to pick up sandwiches with our lunch credit, to take with us tomorrow.

After spending some time hanging out, it was naptime. Everyone else arrived while I napped, and I was awakened by The Boy kinda landing on me.

We hit the playground and other on-site activities in shifts. Then it was dinner time, and while we were disappointed that the Gingerbread House wasn't open, we still enjoyed our meal from the on-site Boston Market.

The evening event was Mayor Clayton's birthday party. Complete with cake, and who cares if we had ice cream before dinner?

It wasn't a late night out at all for our boys. But that's okay.

Day 2--Disneyworld!!

2011-12-23T23:50:00.001-05:00

Morning orientation after breakfast, where I was given more tickets than I could possibly use.

We spent late morning and afternoon at Magic Kingdom, the boys and Daddy and I. Grandma and Grandpa had a lovely time with Ender...they said it was so relaxing and he was such a pleasant little person.

Being on vacation means no obligations and no stuff to do. So there was no rush and no concern that the baby was going to keep anyone from getting things done.

So...Magic Kingdom was magical in a lot of ways for the two older boys. Winnie the Pooh and Tigger saw them right after stroller rental and the GKTW button got us right up front for photos.

We did the PhilharMagic show once we got in. It was 3D, which was cool except that The Bear didn't want to keep the glasses on.

As I'm writing this, I have discovered that the hearing aids went through the wash. CRAP. Will let you know how that turns out.

We did the carousel and, The Bear's favorite, Dumbo the Flying Elephant. Lunch was unimpressive. We did Small World, which was the only ride we had to wait for. Next was Peter Pan, and we were pretty much cooked after that.

Daddy and The Boy returned to the park after resting and eating dinner. And of course, stopping for ice cream.The Bear and Ender and I, along with Grandma and Grandpa, stayed at the village for Pirates and Princesses. We also went swimming and played at the splash pad. The Bear needed a low-key evening, and needed Mom even more.

Rise and Shine

2011-12-23T06:23:00.001-05:00

With 3 kids under age 5, you would not think I'd get to sleep past 6. And you'd be right.

There are two bedrooms here, plus a sofa bed, a fold-out bed, and a crib. We ruled out the crib for any regular use because, frankly, what would our baby do with it? Grandma and Grandpa actually took the room with two littler beds, because those beds looked the most comfy and they were not about to sleep on the sofabed. The sofabed was ruled out altogether, then, because we were not about to sleep on it, nor were we going to assign children to sleep on it.

The king-sized bed held our entire nuclear family with the exception of The Bear, who slept on the fold-out bed jammed in next to the king-size. Although he was scared to go to sleep initially, he was fine after some extra time in there with Daddy.

We would have sent The Boy to bed earlier, but again, it's his trip, so he gets to do what he wants.

So, everyone else is sleeping, and I'm out in the living room with a wakey baby.

Looking right at a very innocuous Christmas tree. Which my kids see, so far, as just decoration.

Traveling south: so sweet...

2011-12-22T23:16:00.001-05:00

Finally, we are here at Give Kids The World resort in Kissimmee, FL. We have been looking forward to this trip for over 2 years...pretty much since that first relapse treatment hospital stay for The Boy. And in some of our darkest hours, we thought of making it through to this trip and this experience.

Some guidelines to which I'd like to adhere, if I possibly can:

Naps are a must.

While I know we have lots of things we can do, we don't have to do everything and the kids will not miss what they didn't know was there.

If the only solo time I get is a bath in the whirlpool tub, I'll still be pretty darned happy.

My parents are here to help us but we want them to have a wonderful time too.

The Boy is the guest of honor. Even though you wouldn't know it to look at him, he was the cancer patient. As such, he gets to do whatever he wants, within reason. But the same goes for The Bear. He wasn't sick, but his entire infancy was lousy as a result of The Boy's cancer treatment. So we are going to play it fast and loose. But with naps included in the schedule.

Tomorrow we get our tickets for the parks and have an orientation. As it turns out, we "only" get 5 days here. Today was a travel day, as will be Wednesday. So we will have to choose activities wisely.

I'm glad we waited to do this trip. The Boy is so much older and is really able to appreciate it. Complete with being able to read the literature that says "you're going to Disney World!"

It's here !!!

2011-12-21T20:58:00.001-05:00

Tomorrow afternoon we leave for Disneyworld. It seems like so long ago that we said we'd go, right when The Boy started relapse treatment. When he was done and all better, we'd go and celebrate. 2 years and 2 kids later, it's time.

I'm glad we waited to go. The Boy and The Bear are both at great ages for it. We also have awesome cameras on our phones and can take pictures galore.

I will try to do a better job of documenting and journaling, because I know I will want to remember this.

Wipe out

2011-12-10T15:16:00.001-05:00

Nothing like a 101 degree fever to knock me on my behind and ruin my plans for today. Fortunately, the fever broke pretty quickly, but I'm still feeling ill. Ender has something going on too. Same congestion and cough. He has been sleeping poorly and only wants to sleep ON me. Next to me is not enough.

Snaps to my parents for taking care of the boys for me. Musical Daddy is at work doing his first-ever Saturday shift. It's once a month, and for now, it is six hours of pure overtime.

We are starting to get ready for our trip to Disney World. I'm not looking forward to the kids' first plane ride. They will be excited, but the novelty will wear off pretty quickly. Good thing we have non-stop flights.

I've been looking at some of the old photos from when The Boy was on treatment, to remind myself why we get to go on a Make a Wish trip. He is a different person now, yet still the same. He always had such enthusiasm and was always very affectionate. He is still bright and curious.

I'll never forget the time that we were in the hospital with his first chemo-related infection, and we were lying on the bed together, and he suddenly started saying "happy!" He was 20 months old and had plenty to say, but it seemed so odd that he would say that, being in bed, weaker than he should be, on strong antibiotics that upset his stomach, also working on his first C-Diff infection...and he was happy. He said it multiple times, too. It was so very sweet.

Anyhow, I'm hoping to feel better soon. Staying in bed instead of going out to play when it is still so nice out is a real drag.

Still NED!!!!

2011-12-05T14:31:00.001-05:00

The Boy remains cancer-free!!

For art

2011-11-28T23:50:00.001-05:00

http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/11330/1192743-53-0.stm

News, from Channel 11

The Pittsburgh Public Schools has a remarkable program in a state-of-the-art facility. It is the performing arts 6-12 school. Since I attended, there have been many changes, some positive, some not, although there has been a comforting lack of faculty turnover. Why leave, when you get to work with, and for, the best?

As you see from the transcript above, I was on TV, and I said that removing the private instruction component from the program would be devastating.

The money is scarce. But the cuts being asked for are hardly going to save anyone anything.

When I spoke in front of the school board, I focused on the issue of wanting the best for other people's children. I want as many kids as possible to have as many opportunities as possible. Not just because it would be good for me professionally (as in, maybe I could actually GET a job), but I want people to be happier and better off from having had more education and having spent time in an environment where they matter, regardless of what happens at home. Happier people who have had enriching experiences can only be better for society, right?

This is a simplification, but allow me to indulge my inner hippie. If you have happy kids who go to school and are made to feel worthless, that will be what is unleashed on society when they graduate. If you provide opportunities for them to accomplish big things in school, they'll want to accomplish big things when they are finished.

I am thankful for having had the opportunity to attend this school many years ago. I am thankful to have had the opportunity to perform this evening alongside students, teachers, and other alumni. I really hope that the wonderful programs are still available for my children.

For good guests

2011-11-27T23:29:00.001-05:00

This is going to sound really trite, but since the month is coming to an end, I have my deeper posts coming up tomorrow. And if I don't finish by the end of November...tough.

Today I am thankful that at our Thanksgiving table on Thursday, we had the right kind of guests. People who eat the food, like the food, and say so. And take leftovers. So that on Sunday night, pretty much all the Thanksgiving food is gone. Except for a nice pot of turkey soup.

For breakfast, and for religious education

2011-11-26T22:40:00.001-05:00

Double-post again. I can't imagine why I could be so distracted.

Last night I was watching a very funny movie with Musical Daddy, so there's my excuse. It's not a good one, but I really wanted to pay attention to the movie and laugh out loud with him instead of putzing around online at the same time.

Yesterday, Musical Daddy did have to go to work, but it was a late day for him. We got to go out for breakfast, and my father joined us.

Going out for breakfast has been one of our "things" for a long time. For parents who would like to teach their kids how to function at a restaurant, going for breakfast is a great start. Breakfast is usually served more quickly and in a less formal setting.

I remember going out to breakfast at Bagel Fragel in Ann Arbor; that's how far back our enjoyment of breakfast can be traced.

Anyhow, for yesterday and for the past several years, and years to come, I'm thankful for the tradition of breakfast out. I love to hear Little Bear say "Pancakes! Woo!"

Today, I was the "cantorial soloist" in the main service at our temple. Many Reform Jewish congregations do not have a single cantor (although the two congregations where I attended at various points in New Jersey both had cantors, with the second congregation being a place for student cantor placement) but instead have singers who do the job. And the weekend of Thanksgiving is one where the service isn't well attended and it might be challenging to find a person to sing. I'm not sure of their own religious backgrounds but I was able to do most of the service just from having grown up learning it. I got many compliments and was encouraged to participate again soon.

I am thankful for my Jewish education and for having had the opportunity to sing the service. I think of my husband's religious affiliation as musical-mercenary, meaning that he'll be whatever religion is currently paying him to sing. It was a pleasure to get to represent my own.

We Give Thanks

2011-11-24T21:56:00.001-05:00

It's long overdue but I feel that I have to change Meatball's blog name to Little Bear, not only to correspond with Musical Daddy but because he is SO not a meatball anymore. He is tall and slender and very handsome. Ender is a little meatball but I'm going to keep calling him Ender, so as to avoid confusion.

Again I find myself doing two days' worth of "thankful" posts in one day. I definitely had last night's post in my head but, as per usual, collapsed before the text made it into cyberspace.

Last night's concept came to my head as I was beginning to make the Thanksgiving feast. I'm thankful that, because of our situation in staying with my parents, we are able to have a feast. At this point, were we on our own and paying rent or mortgage and other bills, we'd probably be able to do something for Thanksgiving since we do have income these days...but not like the spread we were planning for today. That's my parents providing the tools and me making it into a meal.

Saying it in a different way, I'm thankful for the plenty. I know that despite whatever happens, we are very privileged and very lucky, and the fact that my parents include us unconditionally is a blessing for the children and for us.

I do the bulk of the festive cooking around here. I do the bulk of the regular cooking around here, too, but events are really my thing. I love being able to cook for a full dining room.

Our menu included chicken soup with mom's matzoballs, homemade challah, cornbread, turkey, prime rib (that's my mom's favorite), mashed red potatoes, stuffing (made by mom), sweet potatoes (also made by mom), green beans and garlic (which were actually made by an awesome friend who came by to help), asparagus, and a token salad. Dessert was pumpkin pie (made using the pumpkin insides that were frozen from Halloween), cherry cobbler (with pie crust...it was supposed to be pie, but due to oven mismanagement it was baking while we ate and I don't like warm cherry pie but I like wasting pie crust even less), fruit kebabs (which our buddy made with The Boy helping), and fruit ice.

I took no pictures. I watched no football. I did catch some of a movie about Gilbert and Sullivan earlier in the day. I was BUSY.

I think this came up earlier in the month, this sense of being overwhelmed yet not feeling upset by it because I knew I had support from everyone else. I felt that way today--there was a LOT to be done, but I knew that I could finish what I needed and I knew that the other people in the house could do what they needed to do. At no point did I feel the need to yell, "You ungrateful SOB's sitting around on your cans while I slave away in this kitchen making a meal that you'll probably take 5 minutes to eat!" I can't promise that I won't say that 10 years from now, but I felt no need. The fact is, everyone was working. With three little children in the house, supervision is needed for them, and that's a job too. My father did a lot of dishes and chased children. My husband spent more time with children over the course of the evening and is now doing dishes. He is very diligent when it comes to cleaning up after meals--he won't leave dishes in the sink or on the table. They get done when they are supposed to get done.

There was no stress, no hurt feelings. At least from my perspective.

Our guests were wonderful. Aside from our awesome singing friend who came to help and unfortunately couldn't stay too long, we had a friend of The Boy from school along with her family, and a teacher and her husband. Little Bear made a point to tell me before bed that he likes both the friend and the teacher.

Thanksgiving is a funny time of the year for us. And ever since it became so, I've always reflected like this, both to catch up any new readers and just to put into words all that I'm feeling. For 3 years, I hosted it at our home in New Jersey, the last year of which we had The Boy and he was a baby. I was supposed to host it a fourth year, as Thanksgiving in my house was my thing, but that was the year of the diagnosis and treatment for The Boy, for those keeping track of the numbers. So that year, I made the meal, but we ate it in the hospital. And then we all got a virus, first The Boy, and then the rest of us, and the leftovers never got eaten.

The following year's Thanksgiving feast was prepared at my parents' house, now my home as well, by my sisters. That was two years ago, when my mother and I were in the middle of releasing The Boy from the hospital in New Jersey, along with Little Bear, and moving us from there to here. We drove all day. Musical Daddy was ahead of us, although he was supposed to have been behind us were it not for the surprise hospital admission. All of our things were already moved in thanks to Musical Daddy and some friends and helpers.

I love having this blog because I can go back and read exactly what was going through my head earlier on. This was the night before we left and I'm sure that I linked to this entry last year as well. The only thing that still stings a bit was my naive notion that I could take my career and move it elsewhere. It's been a VERY slow process even attempting to do that. I didn't know I'd have another baby when I wrote that. I did know I was having another baby last year at this time, but I wasn't sharing that information yet.

With all that said, I'm thankful for a wonderful feast, wonderful company, fantastic food, good health, three gorgeous children, and the second Thanksgiving in a row that didn't involve a hospital visit.

For seeing beauty

2011-11-23T09:21:00.001-05:00

Last night I was stuck in traffic. It takes me between 10 and 15 minutes to get from downtown back to our house on the east end. Today, it took 45 minutes. I happened to be there for a rehearsal; I don't usually drive downtown during the late afternoon because, well, that's a horrible idea. If I worked downtown, I'd take the bus. Probably the busway, because that's a really fast way to get to the east end, if I could find someone to pick me up at the busway stop. At least then I'd get to play games or listen to music (which I can do while driving) or just chill out.

I was driving along a road that is up the hill from the river, on the south end of the "main land" of the city, if that makes sense. Slowly. Rain was coming down at a medium tempo, but the early dusk exacerbated its effects on driving conditions. As I came around a curve, I saw the bridge that one normally takes to get to the older business and entertainment area of the South Side (as opposed to the newer area a few blocks away). There were brake lights as far as the eye could see, wending their way through the various parts of the view. Clearly, everyone was looking to travel in the same direction. The view of that bridge, the city lights--with some holiday lights already in place--and even the serpentine picture of brake lights was actually quite picturesque and beautiful. Were I not driving, I'd have taken a picture and framed it.

For yesterday I am thankful that, even though I was sitting in lousy rush hour traffic, I still had the appreciation for beauty, in an unexpected situation.I'm just now remembering a set of photographs taken of The Boy in the hospital in New Jersey. He was thin, bald of course, but in a not-too-bad state overall. He had a little color to his face and even a little pinch to his cheeks. The photos were taken by a volunteer from Chai Lifeline who came to visit him and play with him and occasionally give us a little break. She was an amateur photographer. The pictures, as I remember them, were one of him asleep, one of him just looking at something and smiling, and then one of him playing a set of finger cymbals with glee.People generally don't tell you that a sickly looking cancer patient is beautiful, but these pictures really were. Even more so than many of the ones that we had of him, even when he was doing a little better. She just captured him perfectly and used the equipment at her disposal for really fantastic results.

Having been around a lot of visual artists, the ability to see the artistic opportunity in situations is something that I picked up. My mother was actually an art history minor in college, which I didn't know until a few years ago, although it makes sense. Despite her lack of spatial relationships to the point where if they had an IEP for it, she'd have had one, she was really good at talking about art and talking about painting and drawing. And now she has a love for cute crafts. She taught me a lot about how to draw faces properly.And, of course, I think that my children are beautiful.

For the calm, and for the freedom to speak

2011-11-22T06:04:00.001-05:00

Missed another day. [EDIT: fell right asleep in the middle of writing last night, so I will finish Sunday and Monday this morning.] I was visited by an occupational therapy student who was learning about pediatric cancer. Might be a topic with which I have a bit of familiarity. I referred her to our blogs, of course, and I also tried to talk to her about how things went down with the cancer challenge, in the order in which events occurred.

Harder than expected when my mother was interrupting. I can't get upset, though. She was so involved in the process, and, important to yesterday's meeting, she had 2 of my children asleep on her lap.

I think that before The Boy has his next oncology follow up, I'm going to go through some of the photos of him going through treatment and let him know why he has to go. He has not yet begun to ask us too much about why he does all of this extra medical stuff. Ender goes plenty himself because that's the schedule for a newborn, so maybe The Boy still sees it as normal. Meatball pretty much never goes to the doctor at this point. Thank goodness, and may it stay that way. He goes for check ups. At age 2 and beyond, they go once a year.

Anyhow, I was able to talk to the interviewer and keep pretty cool. Later
on, after she had gone and I was alone upstairs for a bit, I realized that my body was carrying excessive tension.

I don't think that I repress my emotions in an unhealthy fashion; I'm just not such an emotionally demonstrative person. When interacting with my children and husband, there is an exception of course--they get hugs and kisses and are constantly told how I love them and how wonderful they are. However, I'm not usually the one to initiate the friend hugs. That said I'm glad to get them and am happy to reciprocate.

I am thankful for the constitution to soldier on for the well-being of my children. What a blessing that our biggest problems now are underemployment, out-of-control housework, and the occasional attitude problem. I need to show my kids that it's okay to feel emotions and react to them safely, but also that Mom is strong and reliable and can make them feel better by keeping the calm.

The school board public hearing happened last night. This is a forum where city residents can speak before the school board and superintendent. Speakers get 3 minutes. Press the mic button, start talking, and it shuts right off after 3 minutes.

I spoke in defense of my alma mater, a highly successful performing arts program within the city schools. My speech is posted as well. They wanted to do away with adjunct-taught private lessons for music and musical theater students, in the interest of saving money and filling classes. Private lessons are a pull-out, though, and students get them at this school as a part of the curriculum so that everyone is performing at a high enough level to be more than just high school performers. The school district receives a lot of recognition for this school and keeps a lot of families in-district who have the means to go elsewhere. One of the advantages of this big city school district is the ability for different schools to house different career programs and for students to choose based on interest and ability.

I am thankful for having had the opportunity to speak at this forum. I am pleased that there is such decorum and receptiveness. My mother spoke as well; she received thunderous applause for her ending quote: "If you think education is expensive, try ignorance."

Also of note: the neighborhood school where my children will attend, should we stay right here in this neighborhood, had a LOT of representatives discussing their issues. I'm glad to see that the school has so many interested families.

For helpful debate

2011-11-19T23:42:00.001-05:00

My project over the next I-don't-know-how-long involves fighting city hall, so to speak. I don't want to get into it too much because it has to do with school and I'm certainly being careful to represent myself well as a parent in the interest of not shooting my career in the foot. I always enjoy sitting down to have real talks with my brother. Definitely not something that I can do while also devoting meaningful attention to my children. He and I don't necessarily see eye to eye when it comes to politics and policies, but now that we're adults, we can sit down and discuss things. Since I've been working on this school-related project, I started talking with him about the issues and it was nice to bounce ideas back and forth so that I can solidify my positions.I'm thankful for the maturity and intelligence to engage in civil debate with a longtime adversary--my big brother.

For things going right

2011-11-18T22:26:00.001-05:00

Today was pleasant. Truly. Thanksgiving celebration, complete with Stone Soup, at preschool. Amazing building this afternoon by The Boy. Great company from Aunt J who came to help us out...just because.

We attended services this evening, my father, the boys, and I. They were wonderful. It feels great to be a part of a community where my kids are starting to know people and be recognized.

The Boy drew an awesome picture for Grandma and even wrote on it for her. His handwriting is fantastic! He is only 4.

So, I am thankful that today was an easy day, that I had very little about which to complain. Not that I make it a point to complain, but I often have a moment or two that I wish I could take back. I'm really proud of all of us today.

For sharing a meal

2011-11-17T22:29:00.001-05:00

Today was mostly spent on various food preparations. A friend lost her mother yesterday, and she has family at her house. Naturally, we made them a meal.

We've done this before so many times--mobilize in order to help someone. I'm so thankful to have been taught to do this and so glad to be able to.

For big healthy babies

2011-11-16T22:57:00.001-05:00

It's easy when you have a big baby. There is a lot less pressure.

Ender clocks in at 28 inches tall and weighs 17 pounds 1 ounce.

I'm thankful for his growth and health and for that of my other children as well.

For my mommy

2011-11-15T23:28:00.001-05:00

Today is my mother's birthday. She will tell you, repeatedly, how old she is (in the context of, "I'm 62 years old--you go upstairs and get it.") She has a wonderfully healthy attitude about being a mother and being a woman. It doesn't matter what our bodies look like, if they remain perfect, because we have each carried children, and we have them to love.

My mother and I lock horns from time to time. Sometimes it's just a matter of, we are here all the time, together and both focused on what's best for my little ones, yet I can't get past my own childhood mama drama, because who she is now is different from who she was then.

But that's her job! She's Grandma! The perpetual good cop. She does a great job of sticking with the rules and doing things the way that I prefer, but she's still Grandma.

How wonderful that because of our unfortunate career situation, my children know my parents so well that there is never an issue, never a concern.

Let's not forget, as well, the long hours and tireless efforts put in by my mother, and my father, back during the days of The Boy's cancer battle. We know very well that my mother can be given credit for the healthy state of my relationship with my husband--if she hadn't assumed so much responsibility for The Boy and really stepped up to become a member of the starting rotation, to use a baseball analogy, I don't know what would have happened. She became an additional comfort figure to The Boy, and having someone whom our children trust so much and love so much is an amazing thing.

She helps and supports us day in and day out. I try to repay her even a little bit by helping in the house and shopping and cooking meals, sometimes elaborate ones at her request. But she has taught me that if someone does something for you to help you out in troubled times, often you can't pay them back; you can only hope to pay it forward.

I am thankful for my mother. She is 62 today. May she continue to be healthy and happy and have a life full of joy.

For chaos, supported

2011-11-14T16:23:00.001-05:00

I have 3 days, not just one, because I just missed this weekend.

On Friday, I left after dinner with Ender to travel to Michigan for the wedding of a longtime friend. Musical Daddy was under the weather and, given his respiratory issues, 5 hours in the car followed by a night or two in a dry hotel room wasn't going to work.

Saturday's "I am thankful " is easy. I'm thankful to have this friend in my life, thankful that he married a wonderful person, and also thankful for the opportunity to have a great time with other friends. Instead of spending the time dancing at the wedding ( even though they did the couple dance and the dance with their parents), they had us playing trivia.

And we would have won if some of my teammates hadn't thought to do math without being able to add, instead of just going hard or going home, risking all the points. Not the purpose though..
it was much more important to have sat at the table with friends and even to be able to pick on these guys for their mathematical ineptitude.

There was much Michigan football and marching band geekery. A good time was had by all,

Sunday morning was a true return to normalcy. Both Musical Daddy and my mother were feeling better. I went to work teaching religious school. The boys did a lot of playing. And the mountain of laundry threatened once again to overtake us.

When I got home, my youngest sister was there, and no one had eaten. And they wanted to. To steal a phrase from another friend, it was time for Macgyver lunch.

Then to the laundry. And, later, to a lesson. Musical Daddy asked how I was feeling, and I said I was a little overwhelmed but not feeling upset about it, because I have supportive people who, if I said switch kids with me so I can sing naptime songs to Meatball, or if I told Musical Daddy to change our sheets, or bring a basket up, it would get done without a fuss, particularly since when the job is "right now" that's when it happens, and if it's "not yet but before naptime" or "after the game is over" then that's when it gets done.

For Sunday, I am thankful that cooperation and a sense of being on the same side underscores our day-to-day life in this household.

Today was a big letdown, but I'm actually glad that I've been doing this exercise so that I am forced to look on the bright side.

I applied for a teaching job. I was recommended by multiple people in the district. I didn't make it past the first round.

They didn't tell me either-- I had to hear it from one of the teachers. Such is life. I've been subbing there and I guess I will continue to do so, since it's not those teachers' fault. In fact I think I remember what I said that caused them not to pick me.

But even so, I am thankful for the knowledge that things will work out. Eventually. Even if it feels like constant disappointment. Or maybe I should cut my losses and just be thankful to have had the teaching experiences that I did have, back in NJ. I was very fortunate, and if that never comes my way again, then (to use a cheesy coffee cup quote) I won't cry because it's over; I'll smile because it happened.

And besides--Ender has been doing a great job getting people work, but I'm sure he wants to keep me with him a little longer.

For 5:45

2011-11-11T05:55:00.001-05:00

Right now I am thankful that the kids woke me at 5:45 and not 5 today. Poor Musical Daddy went to sleep down the hall because of his hacking cough, so I hope he stayed sleeping.

For cheap thrills

2011-11-10T14:04:00.001-05:00

I got a present for The Boy today.

Socks.

Orange ones.

His very favorite color is orange. The socks were 5 for $5. I got 3 for him and 2 blue for Meatball.

I am thankful that my children appreciate small things and appreciate thoughtfulness without getting caught up in materialism. Sure, they like fancier things and would not turn down a new toy, but what a thrill for The Boy--new orange socks.

For turnarounds

2011-11-09T22:13:00.004-05:00

5 AM. Really.

This time change is really screwing with us. I don't care what the rest of you all say--I'll take Spring Forward any day when it comes to my kids. They might actually sleep in the extra hour, and yet still allow everyone enough to get ready for school and work, because it's still plenty early.

I lost my ever-loving mind, and my short little temper, with Meatball at a little after 5 AM. Musical Daddy was there to bail me out, as we usually do for one another, but I just felt miserable. And of course I couldn't go back to sleep, and of course The Boy was awake as well.

Asleep on my feet, I trudged downstairs for some breakfast. I felt so bad for Musical Daddy, who still has not recovered from whatever illness had been plaguing him, and yet I had to get mad at Meatball instead of just letting him sleep and taking care of things properly. Bless their hearts, neither Meatball nor Musical Daddy were upset with me. Both forgave me and had hugs and affection anyway.

I brought the bigger boys to school. I was told that my boys are lovely, and I didn't do the nasty thing that so many parents do, which is to deny it, or say something like "are you sure you're talking about the right kids, because they're monsters at home." When someone compliments my children, I am thrilled because I know that they're getting their grumpies out at home and not bringing their issues out in public. Well...not bringing them out except when I'm with them because fighting Mom is sport around here. Point being, I'm always thrilled to hear nice things about my children. Particularly when, thanks to them, I'm in a sleepy fog and not in a great mood. It helps turn things around when someone says something nice.

I guess that's what I was thankful for today--the clarity that I possess to be able to take a compliment, and the sense to be able to turn things around instead of letting an early morning wakeup ruin my whole day. I was also reminded of how lucky I was to have the support people that I have, in this family, but each of those people will get their own day and their own entry.

For good eats

2011-11-08T23:50:00.001-05:00

Today I am thankful for my ability to nurse my baby. It's something that just about every mother should be able to do, but so much gets in the way, so more mothers believe that they can't. So basically, I'm just thankful for doing what is biologically appropriate.

I gave a nice handful of freezer milk to a mother for her baby today. Her situation is a unique one, and I'm glad to help.

For growth

2011-11-07T23:04:00.001-05:00

When The Boy was on treatment, he grew very slowly. It seemed like he wore 18 month clothes forever!

When he was about 4 months, I thought he was big because he was starting to wear 9 month clothing. Well, Ender is nearly 4 months and is starting to OUTGROW 9 month clothing.

I am still thankful every time I need to switch out their clothing for the next size up, because it means they are growing.

For perspective

2011-11-06T22:27:00.001-05:00

Today was an in-service day at Religious School. We were getting together with teachers from across our metro area (although it took place in our building this year) in a few different sessions.

Afterwards, we met with our own school's faculty and had discussions about what we learned. The topic turned to who had whom as a student and what type of student they were. Next to me was a teacher that I had had, and I mentioned that I was a horrible student, always in trouble, always getting in fights, despite my work being good.

This teacher was one that I never would have described as a "nice" teacher. She is a nice person particularly now that I'm an adult, but my feelings about her then and now were, she doesn't have to be the nicest--she actually taught us things and made us take the time to practice prayers and texts so that we would know them.

Anyhow, she said that I was a wonderful student. Despite all of the issues, and maybe she didn't see them, or maybe it wasn't as my 10 year old miserable self remembers it...

So today I am thankful that with age comes maturity, perspective, and closure.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

For lifelong passions

2011-11-06T01:08:00.001-04:00

This was supposed to be yesterday's entry but I got home late from round 3 of barbershoppy goodness after midnight (EDT).

Musical Daddy had an excellent first show with his chorus. The Boy came with, and was a joy. What a lovely bunch of people in this chorus. It's a great fit both ways. I wish I could sing with them, but of course, it's orchestra night.

The men's chorus he sang with previously had a show today, and I was able to catch the afterglow and do my favorite thing after a show, which is to find 3 other friends and sing one. Or three.

I love my orchestra. It's a high level performing group. And I love to be around barbershop singing. I would love to sing in a quartet again...eventually. Unless I find 3 others with daytime availability.

I am thankful for the positive culture of musical ensembles. I look forward to being a lifelong musician, both professionally and for the fun of it.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

For the drive, and the reward

2011-11-04T23:41:00.001-04:00

Odd day today. Mildly sick kids, rather sick husband, and me off at work substituting. So instead of the two older boys going off to school as they usually do on Fridays, they were home with Grandma and Aunt J. All day.

Meanwhile, I taught band and orchestra to classes full of hard-working and cooperative students. As a substitute teacher. I know that I should be teaching again; hopefully I will be. I certainly had an easier day at work than anyone had at our house.

But what was interesting to me was the amount of patience and tolerance I felt through most of the rest of the evening. It helped to have continued assistance with the baby so that I could build a 2-story block house (with outside slide of course) with The Boy and explore duplo tower possibilities with Meatball. What fun we had! They even cleaned up!

I did the Shabbat blessings with the boys and had dinner with them. Following dinner, we went outside for a bit. Meatball wasn't having it--he was cold and is still not quite feeling well yet.

Play-Doh is another mom activity around here. We did that too. I try to avoid TV when possible, and save viewing time with me for when I need them to sit down. And who really "needs" little kids to sit down?

Anyhow, today I am thankful for the gratification and joy that is present both when I teach and and when I do the domestic thing. Even when either of those things presents seemingly insurmountable. I'm glad to even have the potential for a teaching job.

-Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

For simple pleasures

2011-11-03T21:41:00.001-04:00

Today I am thankful for my children's ability to amuse themselves with simple toys and pursuits. They are tech-savvy and love TV, but I get so excited at the sight of their eyes lighting up when I say "let's paint!" or when The Boy builds with his Trio blocks. If you haven't seen them, they are a great building set for kids starting at age 3, or age 2 if they have good dexterity, which Meatball seems to have.

He loves those blocks too, although his thing is to take all the single red blocks and stack them up, even though it means that The Boy doesn't have them.

Very off day today. We felt very directionless. The Boy had a fever, and still does, so he did not go to school. Meatball seemed okay but ended up having a fever as well. So, no school for either one tomorrow. Unfortunately, I am working tomorrow. Good thing we have Aunt J coming to help.

I'm not sure if it makes me an insensitive mother or if it makes my mother an exceptional grandmother, that I have no problem leaving my kids with her and Aunt J, even when sick. I guess since I left The Boy with Grandma while he was on treatment, and he just got so comfortable, it became that much easier. I absolutely follow their lead--if my kids like someone, they barely even say bye to me (making school drop off pretty easy, because they love it), although they are thrilled to see me.

The Boy should be in bed, but he can go ahead and stay up late, and then sleep in. Not like he is going anywhere tomorrow.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

For the ordinary fever

2011-11-02T23:09:00.001-04:00

Today I am thankful that The Boy having a fever does NOT mean an automatic express hospital admission via the ER.

I have a feeling that we will be revisiting a lot of The Boy's medical history soon. He is starting to get curious about his scars. He may also be tapped into the fact that he visits the doctor more often than anyone else.

I have a feeling that many entries in this exercise will revolve around the recovery from The Boy's major illness. There is SO much for which we can be thankful.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

30 days

2011-11-01T23:27:00.001-04:00

As an excuse to revive my rather neglected blog, I am going to post here every day in November, to discuss those things for which I am thankful.

I'm starting on November 1st by being thankful for this exercise, as I envision it being a great tool for maintaining a positive attitude.

One more: Meatball and the Polecats

2011-10-17T23:52:00.001-04:00

YouTube Video

Duck and Goose

2011-10-17T23:43:00.001-04:00

YouTube Video

New Toy Test

2011-10-17T23:38:00.001-04:00

Finally drank the iPhone Kool-Aid. I love the Mac, love the iPod and iPad, and I'm excited to have all of this functionality in one device. Expensive, but it's our "Musical Daddy has a job" present.

Awesome camera.

Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Reynolds St,Pittsburgh,United States

The Way You Do The Things You Do

2011-10-01T23:57:00.003-04:00

This title has been in my head for weeks; now I'm grabbing the opportunity to write the post.

I've been noticing, as I continue to ease my way into the new rhythm of having three small children and having my husband out of the house a LOT, that I accomplish tasks differently. I have to, or those tasks just won't happen. For example, today I put lunch on the table for us and my brother and some friends, having done no planning whatsoever before getting the meal ready. I now have three children, not two, and asking anyone other than my husband to ride herd on all of them for the amount of time it takes to put an elaborate meal on the table is just unreasonable. Since nothing that I was doing required me to stand in front of the stove or expose myself to any extreme temperatures, I was able to get almost everything done while carrying Ender in the Ergo (or, if I wanted to use the proper name for the device, the "soft-structured carrier"). That's about two hours of having 15 pounds of baby wrapped around me, and that's actually easy for me. I don't have to worry about where he is or what his concerns might be, because he sleeps contentedly for awhile when the time is right.

In summary, although the plural of "anecdote" is not "data," trying to get things done with one child vs three children is like vacation. Particularly when said child is attached physically.

It seems as though having three small children involves the designation of one as the trump card, the x factor, the straw that breaks the camel's back (or that stirs the drink, baseball fans). Much of the time, that designation goes not to Ender the baby but to Meatball the toddler.

And here we find the source of much of my angst and anxiety over these past few weeks. Meatball is SO 2 right now and in such desperate need of attention that is sometimes hard for me to give. When I am able to spend time with him just on his own, out of the presence of his brothers, he is a different little boy than the way that he is when in the company of others. Unfortunately, he doesn't get that "alone" time, although with the help of Grandma, I'm hoping to make some time on Thursday morning into Meatball time.

I feel better when I walk into his preschool classroom and see a bunch of other little boys who do the exact same things that he does. Not that I didn't know that it was normal but I'm still relieved that my child isn't the only one.

Even so, there are only so many times that I can get cracked on the head and screamed at by this little angry human to whom I have devoted SO much energy into protecting before it starts to get to me. Hitting him back won't help. I've screamed right back at him a few times and while that has elicited a distressed response from him, he doesn't have the capacity to understand that what I did to him is what he just did to me. He also doesn't have the ability to comprehend correction very well. As in, if I tell him to "stop" when he hits someone, next time he'll hit someone and then say stop, because he's adding that to the script.

Musical Daddy has a great amount of patience and possesses the power to change the script more easily. It's something that I've been working on a lot, been reading about, talking to other mothers, and just testing out. And it's my job to remember that I set the tone for our interactions. The children can try but since I'm the adult, it's my job to remember that I set the tone. The link goes to the Positive Parenting Challenge, which I've referenced a few times over here. While we don't do a lot of the things she does lifestyle-wise, we strive to approach our relationships with our children in the same way.

Meatball has an extensive vocabulary and the speech patterns of a somewhat older child. He has the bathroom skills even though right now he's in a regression pattern. I love to watch him play and think and create, but it's hard to remember that he's still in the earlier half of age 2 and I may be expecting too much of him due to the proximity of his skills to those of his older brother and the disparity (obviously) between him and Ender.

One of the things that really helps me see things in perspective is to observe the positive behaviors in The Boy that weren't there before or hadn't really cemented themselves before. The Boy listens and follows directions a lot of the time. He holds doors and is polite, saying "please" "thank you" "I'm sorry" and "excuse me" in proper context. He can be more easily persuaded to stay on task by explaining to him what steps come next and what is required of him before those steps can proceed. He is able to do "his jobs" around the house and at school.

I'm curious to re-read what I'd written during this trying time in The Boy's life. It happened a little later for him, due to his illness, but I'm sure that I had to change a lot of the things I did as a result of his age and his ability to remain focused without throwing gigantic screaming fits.

I'm glad that Meatball is so willing to allow me to cut his fingernails; we'd otherwise be in real trouble.

It will be interesting to see what happens as Ender gets older and more...outspoken.

Life, Strength, and Help

2011-09-08T23:28:00.002-04:00

My children have names in English and names in Hebrew. Each of them was named, both in English and in Hebrew, in memory of a departed relative. The older two were given the Hebrew names of my grandmother's older brothers--The Boy is Chayim Dovid and Meatball is Yehuda Aryeh. Ender's Hebrew name is Ezra Ovadiah, with Ovadiah being my great-grandfather's Hebrew name and Ezra being for my uncle Eddie even though his actual Hebrew name is Yehuda.

It should be noted that many Jewish people only have one name and it's a Hebrew or Yiddish one. Others have a name that can be translated easily but they go by the Hebrew version or a nickname derived from it. We're not Hebrew speakers (well, I am, but it's not my first language and no one else really speaks it so I'd be talking to the wall until I start teaching it to the kids beyond the letters that they already know) and we're not very religiously observant, so my children have secular American names.

Anyhow, I thought about my children's Hebrew names and their meanings and how much each child embodies his name. The Boy's Hebrew name Chayim means "life." Many Jewish people add the name "Chayim" (for a boy/man) or "Chaya" (for a girl/woman) to their Hebrew name if they get sick, and it is supposed to bring them extra healing. The Boy needed extra healing in his life but was already named Chayim. Everyone prayed for him; the name "Chayim Dovid ben Miriam" (Chayim Dovid the son of Miriam, which is my Hebrew name) was well-known in the community in New Jersey and in Pittsburgh as well, not to mention in Harrisburg and many other places. But more than The Boy getting his life back, he showed us exactly what was important in life, and what was not. His struggles, and our struggles, made us better people.

Meatball's first Hebrew name, "Yehuda," is the Hebrew version of Judah (or rather, that's the translation of "Yehuda"). His middle name is "Aryeh" which means "Lion." He happens to like lions, but I prefer to focus on the strength of the lion for Meatball. He's a strong kid, sure, but he gave us a lot of strength at a time when we really needed it, and having him gave us the strength to make many hard decisions.

As for Ender, we really hit a positive turning point during the time following his birth. His first Hebrew name, "Ezra," means "help." And his middle name, "Ovadiah" (pronounced o VAHD ya; in English it is "Obadiah"), means "work." Since his birth, my sister, her boyfriend, my husband, and hopefully I as well, have gotten jobs. I have a meeting tomorrow with someone about a part-time position that is very compatible with having children. Although we thought that adding a third child would make life more difficult, in fact, he has helped us without knowing it.

An odd form of negligence

2011-09-02T22:33:00.002-04:00

My last post, while very thoughtful, was actually published after midnight on August 30th. I didn't realize that until just now when I looked at my blog entries, but rather than being published the day before, it was published on August 30th.

And that day just happened to be The Boy's 4th birthday. Although there was no bloggy celebration, the information showed up on Facebook and, of course, we had some cake.

This is, of course, a big deal. Every birthday for The Boy is a slightly bigger deal, because he had to fight harder just to see any birthdays at all. He was diagnosed with cancer before he'd even had a birthday, being 10 months at the time. He had disease progression, which is a relapse while on treatment, that was discovered when he was about 14 months old, and he fought those nasty port infections at 22 months old, not to mention the declining kidney function that caused all the blood pressure issues. We addressed those right before his 2nd birthday. Once we moved, we were greeted with the news that he had that lesion on his liver that looked suspicious. But then it was scar tissue, basically nothing. So that was a bit before age 2.5, and by age 3 he was off treatment.

So I guess this is the first birthday that we're a little further removed from cancer world. Only one ER visit this year for The Boy, and this one was a low-priority type of visit. No hospitalizations, no major health issues...just the hearing aids, and I remember saying that if our biggest concern is how this kid will handle hearing aids, then we're doing just fine.

This was the first week with Musical Daddy back at work. A few bumps in the road as we have been trying to settle in, and we'll still need some time to get used to things as preschool starts next week, but overall, we're fine. I'm just thrilled that he's got work. I'm looking forward to having a bit of time to get chores done and to exercise. And practice.

Some people are meant to be loved...

2011-08-30T23:31:00.003-04:00

I wrote a post over two years ago about reacting to something that isn't inherently sad with more tears than necessary as it related to the Scrubs finale (by the way, I did like the extra half-season that followed and didn't really have much JD in it). The "something that isn't inherently sad" bit also came from the show, where someone had to prove that he really was a sensitive guy. He wasn't. I'm not either. I don't cry or get all misty-eyed unless something is REALLY that emotionally charged.

Anyhow, I realized that I was having another Scrubs moment when I remembered the line "some people are meant to be loved; others are meant to be hated." It's very out of context, the way I'm about to use it, but in less harsh terms, it does apply.

The original usage referred to a popular patient in the hospital, and the chief of medicine who is universally disliked. But, since the episode is told from his perspective, sort of a look into the softer side of this bad-guy boss, we see that sometimes people have to be bad guys and make unpopular decisions in order to keep things running smoothly. Rarely do they receive any sort of direct gratitude; they are fortunate to see the fruit of their labor and to know that without them, people would be lost and likely not know why.

I'm settling back into the role of #1 parent around here. Musical Daddy has begun his decidely un-musical job at a bank loan processing center, where he works normal business hours (for now; he'll have a few different hours after he is done with training). This means that I am the parent who has to enforce "the rules" and be the bad guy. I do my best to be gentle with them, to listen to them and respect them, because it's the best way to keep the peace. I remember that I set the tone, no matter what the children dish out. Unfortunately, I still get a lot of hostility. Particularly from Meatball, whose world was probably rocked more by Ender's arrival. So I get a lot of "go away!" from him, now that he knows how. And there is hitting. The Boy doesn't do it to me, but Meatball sure does.

I can't take it personally. He's 2. But it's a reminder that usually, Mom is the bad guy. Mom gets all the piss and vinegar when the kids are angry about things. Daddy works all day, and likely won't get any sort of personal satisfaction from his work. It's okay that he gets to be good guy with the kids.

Hey, I'm glad that he and Meatball are getting closer.

Still working on the new routine..,we'll see what it's like at the end of the week. School for the bigger boys next week!

A preemptive strike

2011-08-29T08:50:00.002-04:00

At this very moment, Ender is getting his tongue tie clipped. He certainly has no trouble gaining weight (13 pounds and 23.5 inches today) and he isn't causing me excruciating pain while nursing like Meatball did. Even so, he does have some subtle feeding issues, such as gulping and gasping--partly from oversupply over here--and a difficult time taking a bottle.

Side note--I am filling the freezer with milk, not so much for Ender because I pump before leaving, when I do leave him for any length of time. Hoping to give milk to other babies. HM4HB.org for more info.

Anyhow, in addition to correcting his feeding issues, we hope to avoid any articulation issues.

Now that's not right

2011-08-25T22:01:00.002-04:00

This evening, we went to one of our favorite playgrounds--the area of Frick Park known as the "blue slide park" to discover something very very wrong.

The blue slide, the big concrete one carved into the hill, was red.

Upon closer examination, I deduced that the red paint was an act of vandalism, because it was done so poorly. Sure enough, there was a message from someone official, saying that the slide was vandalized and would be made blue again once weather permits.

This park has been the blue slide park for as long as I can remember. Other thing about the park have changed, like the fact that instead of climbing a foam rubber hill to get to the top, there was a ladder for walking on one side and a climbing structure on the other side that went up and down like rolling hills. It was yellow. And probably not worth the effort.

We are enjoying the last days of summer together. Glad for all the spectacular family time. I've really made a point to plan exciting things for my boys, but I've also been glad to let The Boy in particular do things on his own with Daddy or Grandma, and not his brothers. He's the elder statesman, after all.

He will be four next week. Such a blessing. .

Baby Photos

2011-08-23T07:31:00.000-04:00

He was 1 month at this photo shoot; this was last week.

No more monkeys

2011-08-19T20:44:00.005-04:00

Although it is considered bad form to say "I told you so" and the like when children hurt themselves, this particular case warranted an exception. Let me explain, lest you think me cruel.

We have a cute book with 8 monkeys jumping on the bed, and it has little plastic monkey faces in the book. With each page it counts down and one fewer monkey face is on the page as you see more monkeys who had fallen off the bed. Both kids love this story and can read it (The Boy can kinda read it; Meatball is reciting from memory).

Also, there is a game that they play, mostly with Daddy, that involves supervised jumping on beds or furniture.

As such, they hear the phrase "No more monkeys jumping on the bed" with some regularity. So, when The Boy took a header onto the floor as a result of bouncing his fool self around on his bed, I picked him up and hugged him and said, "What happened to the monkeys jumping on the bed?" to which he replied, "they fell off and bumped their head" which helped me to see that he was going to be fine and also clicked for him as the lesson to be learned. Not likely to stop him from bouncing around but he will be more careful. We hope.

In earlier injury news, Meatball tripped over a wire or something and hit his chin, splitting it open a bit. Mama called the doctor and asked him if stitches were needed. I told him that the cut looked like a piece of orzo. He said to do a butterfly bandage if possible but that it would heal okay on its own. He also said that 75% of the population has some sort of scar on their chins, so Meatball is likely to join the majority there,

The morning activity today was bowling. I didn't know how that would go with these boys. Grandma came with us for moral support (understatement...) and also didn't know how it would go. It's her kind of activity, being that it is indoors. Seeing as how the skies opened up a few times today, indoor activities were everyone's type. The boys were excellent! They loved the concept of bowling (with bumpers of course) and they enjoyed taking turns and watching me bowl. Meatball learned to refrain from chasing the ball down the lane. I'm not a good bowler, but I'm not a complete embarrassment and it was neat for them to see how a grownup does it. They thought it was cool that the screen told us who was to bowl next. They got a kick out of the ball coming back each time, and of course they liked the snacks.

The reason why we went bowling is because I signed us up for "kids bowl free" which gets kids under 18 to play 2 games any day all summer. You still need to rent the shoes unless you have your own. But it is all over the country; you just pick your facility. Not a bad idea because it generates some business in an otherwise slow season. This particular place had $2 specials for "kids bowl free", where you get a little drink and a snack (bit of pizza, fries, chicken, pretzel, hot dog...those sorts of things). We had also paid $25 for the adults in the house to get to play all summer. We didn't get our money's worth, except that when I signed up, I got $25 toward Restaurant.com right away. We use those a lot, or at least my mother does.

It took about 90 minutes to bowl one game with The Boy, Meatball, and I playing. We used bumpers, of course, which made the scores interesting. For the first few frames, the kids were winning.

In the attitude department, today was a great day with The Boy and his interactions with me. I took great care to tell him what was going on, to listen to his input and give choices, and to respect his right to be busy. I took the same care with Meatball and didn't get the same pleasant results, but I think that the 2-year-old is going to act his age, so he just needs to see other people being kind and being positive. Also, it's better to have all of the children acting their ages instead of The Boy acting as though he is also 2.

Musical Daddy returns late tonight from his travels to take my aunt to Connecticut. He stayed in NJ with his dad and woke up to come back for a coaching session for his chorus. Long few days for him.

Aside from the head injuries, all is well over here.

Settling

2011-08-18T22:44:00.002-04:00

In Penelope Leach's book Your Baby And Child, she describes babies aged 1 months to 6 months as "settled." Before that, they're newborns, and things are just crazy.

Ender seems to be settling, just as she describes (now I think I want to read the book again...I have a much older edition that I got from a friend, whose daughter is 15 now). We still have to work to figure him out, as he is still so new. However, once they are a month old, their stomachs are a little bigger and they can hold more in there, and aren't eating ALL THE TIME. Thankfully, even when he is eating all the time, it's not such a big deal, because it doesn't hurt, the way it did when Meatball was this age. I'm still not quite ready for hands-free nursing with Ender, although that may be more that he needs to be able to hold his head up reliably in order for meals-to-go to happen.

My parents had a reasonable time on Tuesday night, when they watched all three children at the same time while Musical Daddy and I both had rehearsal. Ender's settling certainly helped matters, because it was just easier to manage the kids when Ender wasn't completely beside himself the whole time. When I returned home, I found Ender asleep on my father's lap and, thankfully, the older two children asleep in their own beds. My parents did a fine job.

Musical Daddy is loving the fact that Ender is a snuggler, at least so far. He likes to rock and be moved around, but once he's calm, he'll just rest. Stinker can fall asleep right in the middle of our bed but isn't completely sold on his own yet. Although he will stay in there for awhile when swaddled with this certain sailboat blanket.

The Boy had some trouble keeping his hands to himself when Daddy went to put on his shoes. Consequences were reasonable and logical and should have been given for things like this a long time ago. If The Boy hits when we're trying to get ready to go somewhere fun, he doesn't get to go. And he doesn't get to stay home playing games and watching TV, either. The problem with keeping him at home is that usually it punishes us too, because it screws with our plans. Keeping him home with Grandma somewhat helps the rest of us to enjoy our outing, but staying home with Grandma isn't really going to help him to learn from his actions.

From our side, we are going to do a better job of letting the kids know what's happening, and in what order, and giving them choices whenever it is appropriate. Often, The Boy will do better if he knows what is coming up.

Most of the time when there is a behavior issue with your children, take the time to examine what you, as the parent, can change in order to help the situation.

And, as such, I've been doing my best to maintain an energetic and positive tone with Meatball whenever I make a request of him. It's harder in some ways because he doesn't have the same verbal skills as The Boy, but he is also better at listening and taking action.

So...we're getting there.

Give me direction...

2011-08-16T08:28:00.002-04:00

And give me hope...

We are at a frustrating point with The Boy in particularly and to some extent with Meatball as well, where it seems like we're losing our patience and acting out in retaliation to them, in ways that don't really mesh with our actual parenting philosophy. What we actually believe is that positive modeling, logical and natural consequences, and respect for our children as people, while still being sure to enforce boundaries, will lead to children with healthier attitudes and better citizenship in the long run.

In my clear-headed moments, I know that my children--Meatball in particular because he has had a typical development without the medical involvements--act in an age-appropriate fashion and they do what other kids their age do.

Just now, I had a stand-off with Meatball about cleaning up a mess that he made. Considering that everyone in this house does a poor job of actually holding the kids accountable for cleaning up after themselves, it's no surprise that he refuses to help out despite clearly being responsible. I behaved horribly. I got him to clean up a little and then he wanted to play more. Naturally. I redirected him to the mess over and over, raising my voice more and more...and I ended up taking the toy away. I guess the problem was, if I wanted to take the toy away, I still had to clean it up, so I lose either way.

Someone please tell me that the gentle approach works...because I really want to throw every toy out the window in violent fashion and I'm that doesn't set the right example for the children.

Because it's not called, "The Whining Petulant Mommy"

2011-08-13T15:41:00.002-04:00

My recent online silence can be at least partially explained by my not really being in a great frame of mind and not wanting to air my crankiness out over the interwebz because that's not exactly the purpose of this blog.

Ender has continued to be a great little baby, although he's got a bit of the power-puking tendency like The Boy had (you know, back when baby puke was actually a big problem). His thing is, he'll have a few times a day where he'll just want to nurse ALL.THE.TIME and once he gets every last bit of his fix, he'll be content for awhile. He will sleep, or he won't, at that point. Nighttime is for sleeping, and he gets that. He nurses probably 2 or 3 times at night, and all I usually have to do is switch sides once or twice.

The older boys are doing well although there have been some subtle issues creeping in with both of them. The Boy has gotten more bossy, both with us and with Meatball. Some of the things he says are taken directly from television, and taken in the wrong context. Example: there's a spot in Blue's Clues where Periwinkle (the cat) is upset that he isn't in the front of the line. The teacher tells him that it is someone else's turn and that he'll have a turn some other time. The Boy interprets that as, he has to yell at us not to go in front of him when we are going down the stairs. Um..huh? Meatball has experimented with biting over the past two days or so and I really hope that he gets over it, like, yesterday. He is perfectly capable of expressing himself verbally. We were at CostCo today and there were lots of yummy samples. I told Meatball that we bite food...and all different things we saw, I said "we bite peaches! we bite grapes!" and "we kiss people! we hug people!" At that age, The Boy never bit, at all. I know that some kids do it and some kids don't; I just want my kid not to do it.

But on the other side of things, I think it's been fun for the two of them to get to be "the big boys."

Still about the same in the potty department for Meatball. He is almost always willing to do #1, with no complaints. If he has a pee accident, it's rare, and it's at home, because he has forgotten and we didn't remind him. When we're out, he always wants to try out the potties. No success yet with #2. I don't get the feeling that he's scared to do it; he just doesn't quite understand how to hold it and then deposit it in the right place. Since he doesn't poo all the darned time the way that The Boy did at this stage, we're cleaning up about one accident a day, plus getting him out of a diaper in the morning, which still puts us firmly in the win column for him.

I've been struggling a lot with the older boys and their fighting. I wonder how much of it is specifically to get attention from us. I'm guessing most of it. Sometimes, I don't intervene because I want to let them work things out. Sometimes, I feel as though they might hurt each other...

By the way, have I mentioned that little babies (even big little ones, like Ender over here) smell yummy?

So THIS is what it's supposed to be like...

2011-07-21T21:05:00.002-04:00

The term "babymoon" can refer to a couple's vacation in which they TRY to have a baby or a trip taken while pregnant to enjoy some grown-up time before baby arrives. My favorite usage, though, is that period of time after a baby is born where the mother just gets to enjoy him.

I certainly didn't get that with Meatball. What a miserable experience, that time after his birth. The crap just kept raining down. I had a nice time after The Boy was born, but some of that time was spent being nervous, as a first-time parent, that I wasn't doing things right, and listening to too much advice about this and that...but so far, I'm enjoying so much of these early days with Ender.

I'm so grateful to my parents and husband for showering the boys and me with so much love and attention. It makes it easier on the older boys, and I feel like my needs are being met, so I don't overextend myself and can recover from having pushed a person out of my body less than a week ago.

I'm still tired, and I still ache a bit, and I am still doing too much, probably, but I like the fact that I feel well enough to start to return to normal. Getting there anyway.

Falling in line

2011-07-19T16:37:00.003-04:00

A stroke of bad luck, and a stroke of good luck, occurred simultaneously yesterday and overnight. First, the bad luck--we had a power outage that lasted for about 11 hours. Everything just went the heck out around 4:30 and didn't come back until after 3 am. We know--we were up. That meant no TV, no internet, and no functioning telephone, either. We don't even get mobile phone reception here. My dad does, since he has a different carrier through work, but the rest of us have AT&T, which works in the house only because we have a MicroCell, which goes through internet, which...requires electricity.

The kids were tense. The older ones, anyway. Ender didn't necessarily notice. I was encouraged to go upstairs and rest, but I didn't want to be by myself in the relative darkness, despite the fact that the older boys were tense and driving us a little batty. My father, who usually has an abundance of patience, was done done done after The Boy refused to go upstairs for his bath. Granted, I think he was taking his cue from me; I yelled at The Boy when I had no business doing so. Yelling at the children pretty much only happens when I am unable to step in and actually do something to correct them, be it providing an alternative, directing them to go somewhere, or figure out what it is that they are doing that they don't want to leave, so that I can monitor and have them agree to get moving once they're done. I respect their "busy" as much as I can so that it's less of a problem when I have to interrupt them, and so that they (eventually) respect mine. But with the lack of electricity and the house getting gradually warmer without much of anything to combat that, and the tension building and building, I just wasn't that smart. Nor did I really have the energy to get up. Remember, I just pushed out a person a few days ago. I'm supposed to be resting.

Fortunately, bedtime was early for everyone. Including Ender. And that's where the good luck comes in. He nursed a lot in the evening, just over and over again, which is definitely a good thing, and I wrapped him up and put him in his little bed (a co-sleeper bassinet that isn't yet in cosleeper mode but is still right next to our bed) at 9:45. He slept until 2 am. Seriously. That's awesome for the first night home! Even if he doesn't do it again for months, I really needed it last night.

I had been bugged over the course of the night by The Boy, who was in our bed because he was petrified of sleeping in the dark in his room. Remember, no electricity? He sleeps with a light on in his room but has no problem sleeping with someone else in the dark. I think a study showed that kids sleeping with lights on is bad for their vision, but the genetic odds are stacked against him anyway, as I am horrendously nearsighted and Musical Daddy has a cataract on one eye and astigmatism in the other. Anyhow, once Ender was up and feeding, The Boy and Musical Daddy were up soon after. We actually had quite a bit of fun talking quietly. We heard the trucks. Musical Daddy went to check it out, and then he brought The Boy down to see, too. He gave The Boy a glow stick, which was fun for him. He saw a guy in a cherrypicker and saw big trucks. Made his night, I'm sure. Then the power came back on, and we all went back to sleep. Until almost 7 AM, when Meatball, who likes to stay out of this sort of thing, was up for the morning. Another stroke of luck--while Meatball sleeps all night 90% of the time, I certainly don't want to take it for granted.

Today was nice, too. And I'm glad to say that Ender seems amenable to naps in his bed as well as naps in laps and naps on shoulders. He's nursing quite well. Our cousin, who is our dentist and has been for years, stopped by to assess his tongue. He says it doesn't look like a problem, but since he usually sees tongue tie in the context of older kids who have issues and never got it fixed, instead of in the context of babies and feeding, he might not see what Ender has as an issue. Maybe it isn't--he's doing much better, and I'm being really careful with his position and alignment. And wearing shells...if you know what those are, you love them.

Ender is asleep in his little bed; Grandma has the other two downstairs. Thankfully, as they get older, it becomes easier to handle them. Most of the time. And Ender already shows signs of just being able to get in the groove with the rest of us here.

Musical Daddy said something about there being seven people living in this house. It's still so new to me that it sounded strange. But that's what we have here. And three of them are little boys.

Home!

2011-07-18T14:36:00.002-04:00

I am now home and ready to face the reality of being a mama to three boys. All little. All cute. And all thanks and gratitude for my parents, my husband, and Aunt J, in no particular order.

We have a rhythm that we need to find. The first week, I'm supposed to pretty much stay home and rest and care for Ender, and ask for help with whatever I need. The second week I can start to get back to normal but I should still have some help. Again, thank goodness for these wonderful people, to help care for my other little boys. After these two weeks is when we have to really figure it all out.

Ender will probably spend a lot of time in the sling. Fine by me...I kinda like to keep my babies close to me.

His diapers fit, thankfully. They're still on the bigger side but they are so cute on him! Mostly BumGenius one size, on the smallest setting, with the little insert. He is a bigger newborn, and many people say that they don't fit newborns, but if you birth 1 month olds (figuratively speaking) as I tend to do, they fit fine.

What else...not much. He is asleep on my lap. Meatball is napping upstairs and The Boy is at physical therapy with Daddy. Grandma was sent to bed as well. We insisted that she take a nap. She takes such good care of the kids, and us, and she sometimes needs to be reminded to slow down! Don't we all.

The Birth Story

2011-07-17T07:01:00.003-04:00

I'm feeling surprisingly close to human. I've taken a shower and been much more easily mobile this morning. Ender (yes, I think I'm going to keep that name for him on the blog at least for now) was up more than he wasn't overnight, and I even had the nurse take him for a little bit of time so that I could guarantee at least a bit of sleep for myself. Right now I just need some here and there, and I need to be flexible with sleeping when he does, mostly. In the hospital, I have that advantage (and knowing that my other children are in wonderfully capable hands with Daddy and grandparents).

As I had been writing, I was in early recognizable labor since about 12pm on July 13th. I was thinking that perhaps things would get moving enough so that I'd have the baby late that night, but everything held steady. I took a nap first thing when I realized that I was having relatively regular, if mild, labor contractions.

We had a lovely birthday dinner and celebration for me. With cupcakes. The Boy is very into celebrations and parties and really seems to understand them. Meatball doesn't really get it but he got cupcakes.

The same sort of early labor contractions persisted, but I was able to sleep through them that night. We had a nice relatively easy, normal day on Thursday, and then it was technically Friday when we went to triage to see if I was really in labor. The whole thing felt a lot like Meatball's birth in terms of how it progressed.

The full moon might have had something to do with it, or not, but I felt a strong urge to sleep in the recliner at about 10 pm, and was feeling contractions a little bit more strongly, so I slept until I was awakened by the strange events of the guy with the car. I stayed downstairs and walked, and bounced on the ball, and, of course, played around on the computer. I went upstairs right before the time that Meatball woke up, and was lying in bed, which was okay, but not terrific. Once Musical Daddy returned from caring for Meatball, then The Boy woke up and wanted the potty, so I got out of bed and tended to him (frustrating, by the way--he doesn't stay dry at night but also still gets up and goes, or wants to go, so he needs help), and sent him back to bed. At this point we were both up and I was kind of feeling the need to hold Musical Daddy's hand, or shoulder, just for the reassuring touch. This was, maybe, 2:30 AM. We watched The Guild on Netflix (it's really funny, it's about a group of gamers who live near each other in real life and their interactions with each other in and out of the game...people who would likely not be otherwise affiliated).

After we watched the show, I said that I was going downstairs for a bit to see where I stood labor-wise (and to time contractions just for reporting purposes because I was pretty sure this was it), and that I'd be calling the doctor around 4 AM. And that Musical Daddy should get some sleep, since we hadn't been getting much. Frustratingly, the first time I called, I got no response, so I called again. I probably should have just called the doctor that I know but I didn't want to wake his family and the only number I have for him is his home number, or his wife's cell phone. At 4:45 I spoke with the doctor on call (not one that I knew or had ever seen). He was surprised that they had sent me home the first time, when he asked how much I had progressed when they saw me, and I said I was glad that they did, and I live close. He gave me the go-ahead to come in, so we did. I told my parents that we were leaving and what the status of the children was. We were in the car at 5 AM.

I wasn't sure how the car ride was going to go, since I had been walking through my contractions previously and of course I couldn't do that, but it wasn't a major issue. I got in the car after a contraction, had just the one in the car, and one when I got out.

By the time we got into the hospital, talked to the people at the desk, and got set up in the triage room, it was 5:25 when Musical Daddy "checked us in" on Facebook. I hadn't bothered to write anything online about us leaving for the hospital, figuring that I'd have a little bit of time to notify people. I had to pee in a cup (during which I heard the girl in the room next to mine screaming). I had maybe two more contractions while standing and walking around, because I did NOT want to get on that stretcher until someone was actually there. Then my water broke as I stood there, and the nurse said "Well, now you get to stay for sure!" and I got onto the bed. I had been nervous about how that would go, because I hadn't had that happen on its own with my other two labors.

The triage doctor came in at that point and checked me to find that I was completely dilated. I felt that I was pretty darned close to that, but I hadn't felt that until my water broke, and I was still a bit nervous about "transition" which I barely even experienced this time. As they were wheeling me from the triage room to L&D, I was feeling like I was about to have this baby and making some pushing motions, because that's what I felt like doing. I got into the room and did NOT want to be monitored, nor did I want to be on my back, nor was I particularly keen on moving, but it didn't particularly matter in either case. One push to finish out the contraction before I did move onto the real bed, then one push for his head, and one for the rest of him. He was born at 5:47.

Andrew Evan is his name. He was born at 8lbs 12oz and is TALL at 22.5 inches. He looks like his brothers, but he also looks like himself.

I'm already healing and recovering quite well. I think it's a nice design feature, at least in my case, that with subsequent children, the mother recovers more quickly. So that she has the energy to handle the other ones as well.

First Checkup

2011-07-16T15:09:00.002-04:00

The pediatrician was in to see Ender just now. He says that he is healthy. Also, he says that there is a tongue tie. I thought so, but it was confirmed. The doc will have an ENT check it out, probably tomorrow. We want no drama!

Speedy Delivery!!!

2011-07-16T06:30:00.001-04:00

He's here! 8 lbs 12 oz and 22.5 inches! More story to follow.

No sleep til...

2011-07-16T03:58:00.002-04:00

Full moon makes for weird stuff...but isn't making for a baby over here yet. Things are progressing, maybe? Enough to keep me awake, but not enough to bother going to the hospital again until I'm REALLY sure. And while I can no longer type during contractions, I'm totally coherent otherwise, so it's not really time to go yet, when the hospital is 10 minutes away.

I fell asleep in the recliner at about 10 PM and was awakened by the doorbell at midnight. Really? The doorbell? Some kid ran out of gas in front of our house and needed help. Fortunately, Musical Daddy was able to help the guy. Then his mom called on our phone, waking me again. So I was up.

Both children woke up in the middle of the night, one after the other. First Meatball with a bad dream or something or other, and then The Boy who first wanted to go potty and took The Cat In The Hat with him, and then was crying because he couldn't find his notebook. He is now asleep in our bed after having spent a few minutes drawing in his notebook with his green crayon. If you have small children who like certain TV shows, you'll be familiar with this pastime.

Full moon tonight

2011-07-15T21:51:00.002-04:00

Supposedly babies like to come out when the moon is full. And if that's the case, there's no way I'm going back to the hospital unless I'm ready to pop. Because it will be CROWDED.

Although someone else said that it's really only the ER and the mental hospitals that get busy on the night of the full moon.

Still hanging in there. Not too uncomfortable. Whatever will be will be.

But on the plus side...

2011-07-15T11:54:00.002-04:00

Today has been a wonderfully slow and pleasant day with my family. We loafed around a bit this morning and then walked down the street. We played at the playground and picked up sandwiches from the market there. It's a nice place but it's only been this time of year that we have been able to enjoy it, as it is only open during normal business sort of hours. And Saturdays 10-3 but we usually don't think of it.

I'm not horrifically uncomfortable. I don't have "hard" labors. This one is just extra slow.

Morning Report--holding steady

2011-07-15T08:02:00.003-04:00

Still feeling about the same, I think. I brought the big ball from upstairs and maybe things will move along today. I got a few hours of sleep last night, which is good, because I didn't even nap yesterday.

Since I wasn't sure how it was all going to go down, we went for pancakes on the way home. Musical Daddy's idea, but I was strongly in favor. 3 AM at the diner without the kids certainly makes me feel young. The pancakes were delicious. Perhaps Ender is trying to bulk up a bit more for his arrival.

I'm not going to bother timing contractions. I live 10 minutes from the hospital, maybe more like 15 if it's the middle of the day and things are busier. If I feel like I'm in transition, maybe then I'll go. Why bother staying in the hospital unless I'm a wee bit of a basket case (you know where I'm at, mommies)? I've had suggestions that indicate I should have tried to stay, and perhaps the doctor might have kept me had I lived further away or had I not told him where I lived, saying "I'm 10 minutes away, I can be back here in no time." Because I was progressing, kind of, but not within the hour or so that I was there.

Triage in labor and delivery is pretty standard, as this is a different hospital from the one where I had the boys. That said, everyone seemed quite nice and friendly at this hospital, and I remember the first triage visit with Meatball being one where I was very annoyed and stuck in bed.

It's the stress. It's pressure. Not the physical pressure of being about to drop a bowling ball but the pressure of now having indicated that the baby is coming and him just not being here. And the "helpful advice" and all of the things that people say are "supposed" to happen when it's a second or third child...and the panic! Not from me but from everyone else. Even my father called home about 4 times yesterday from work. The phone rang constantly yesterday (although much of that was someone calling from India trying to sell health insurance...).

So...nope. I have not had that baby yet. Maybe tomorrow.

Nope.

2011-07-15T02:42:00.001-04:00

Going home. No baby yet. They would probably keep me if I lived further away.

Going to try and sleep a bit...I am quite tired.

I should know better...

2011-07-15T01:15:00.003-04:00

I've done this before and I should know when it's really time but I guess I was either getting overexcited or feeling my mother's sentiments that she doesn't really want a kid born in her living room. I'm walking around but I think they'll check me again and send me home to bed.

Welcome to triage!

2011-07-15T00:36:00.002-04:00

I'm here at the hospital and basically, I'm waiting to see if this is the real deal or not. I thought so, but now I'm not so sure. I may very well get sent home. Which isn't a major problem because home is 10 minutes away and we didn't have to worry about babysitters.

If you're looking for an update about the baby...

2011-07-12T21:17:00.002-04:00

There isn't one because the baby isn't here yet.

You shouldn't be surprised--I keep 'em in there nice and long. The Boy was 41 weeks 1 day after an induced labor. Bad mojo there; never doing that again even though it was a perfectly fine birth. Meatball was 40 weeks 1 day. I went into labor very gradually on my EDD, or maybe even a bit the day before, and went to the hospital only to be sent home that night to sleep and then come back in the morning.

I know from having had a spontaneous labor with Meatball that I don't want to spend any more time in the hospital than necessary, so I don't plan on going in until I absolutely have to. It's not that far away anyhow.

Internet connection actually works so I'll be sure to post lots of updates, whenever it is that I happen to go into real labor. None of this sissy prodromal stuff.

In the meantime, please forgive me if I don't answer the phone and don't particularly want to tell you "how I'm feeling" because I'm feeling fine. A little round and a little slow. And a little short on patience in general. The boys (including the grown-up one) sense that I'm on edge and of course they reflect it right back to me whether they mean to or not, so I'm trying to conserve as much patience for them as I can.

The Boy is enjoying writing and drawing right now. I'm glad because I'm not so keen on having to draw everything for him. Meatball asks us to draw shapes all the time (including trapezoids and parallelograms) but will also pick up a crayon and draw something as well. He can make ovals and circles, after a fashion, and he can sometimes make a V or a W on purpose. He loves the easel that we have; very good gift card purchase last summer.

Big accomplishment for today was cleaning out the closet in the den. There is actually a fridge and a sink there, and that used to be the "bar" area in the house. You know, the place where the various alcoholic beverages from the grown-up party at my brother's bar mitzvah sat and gathered dust until someone actually got rid of it after 20 years. There were piles and piles of craft supplies, mostly stickers and toys that were thrown in without being stacked neatly so it was just a jumbled mess. Aunt Jeanne was here and we worked together in the morning, and then she and my mother finished it as I worked on getting children to nap.

Speaking of which, we may need to reevaluate what we do with The Boy in terms of napping. He only sometimes seems to need a nap. Today, I don't think he ever got one, and he was fine. Went to bed at the normal time and didn't really do the cranky pain thing like he did yesterday. But what we'd been doing with him is, we'd bring him in with us, turn something on the TV, and hope that he'd fall asleep. Perhaps we either need to switch to music, or limit the selection to "quiet" things, or just bite the bullet and accept that he's not really going to need the nap anymore. But we'll have to figure something out, because Meatball still needs a nap (although he can go without it if he sneaks in a little nap in the car, which usually drives me crazy but is good to know should we have an activity that we'd like to do in the afternoon) and when Ender gets here I'm going to need to steal all the sleep I can just on general principle.

I am SO hoping that he'll be an easygoing little guy. We will be checking for tongue tie ASAP, of course. But beyond that, I'm hoping to be able to snuggle him a lot, and I'm hoping that he'll want to snuggle a lot with Musical Daddy as well. That's something about which he still feels slighted in terms of Meatball's infancy. Then again, there were a lot of things about which we all feel slighted...and hopefully this time around we won't experience that.

I've got my slings, we've got a double stroller and a big boy who is old enough to walk places...we'll get out a lot.

Meatball Birthday and a minor "whole story"

2011-07-06T22:57:00.003-04:00

Yesterday, my little (?) Meatball turned 2. Amazing. It seems like he was just a baby and now he's 2. He amazes me every day with the new tricks in his repertoire. He says so much, does so much, eats at the table like a big person and has for a long time, asks for what he wants, knows letters and numbers and shapes, and is even doing a nice job with the potty. He is so bright and handsome and has been such a blessing.

The birthday party was awhile ago, just in case. Doesn't mean we didn't have more cake yesterday.

I made little cupcakes with glaze and sprinkles to bring to camp, and he shared them during lunch. We arrived just in time to hear everyone singing "Happy Birthday" to him.

He LOVES to hear things again and again; we must have sung to him at least 50 times. The Boy helped, too.

I'm also thrilled that The Boy can sing "Happy Birthday." He really sings it too, not necessarily settling on a key right away but he does get the octave jump in there most of the time.

Meatball will not be sharing his birthday with Ender. Still not sure yet whose birthday, if anyone's, Ender will be sharing. Because he isn't here yet. I'm 39 weeks today and, at my checkup, the doctor said that everything looks fine. I'm "measuring" 40 weeks by fundal height and had previously been right on track, not ahead, but it's a centimeter. So, whatever. Not much action in there yet. I had about a day of prodromal labor with Meatball before things really got going.

Also, today we both had an interview. They actually called me, but I felt like I had nothing to lose by asking them to interview Musical Daddy as well. Particularly if for some reason I was unable to make it there, at least someone would get a foot in the door. There are two positions; a half-time contract position at the middle school and a full-time leave replacement for elementary. Both vocal/general music. I could definitely see them wanting Musical Daddy for the middle school position...but the problem is, the commute is really lousy. It's awhile before we'll hear anything, the principal said, but it may be worth looking into a move if we do get any offers. The district is pretty small, only about 1500 kids total, with a big band program. No strings. If one of us gets in, maybe we push for it...?

Meatball pooped on the toilet. Awesome! He skipped his nap. Not awesome.

However, the full story on the nap-skipping was that he fell asleep for a few minutes on a walk and foolishly thought that he only needed that for his nap.

Had me worried--nap time is a very important time for us around here! We love naps!

Global Facebook milksharing network launches WORLD MILKSHARING WEEK 2011

2011-07-04T23:40:00.002-04:00

"Human Milk 4 Human Babies Global Network is ecstatic to announce the launch of the inaugural World Milksharing Week, to be held September 24 – 30, 2011, at hundreds of locations around the globe.

The incredible sense of community that is created among donor and recipient families who partake in milksharing is to be celebrated. Dani Arnold-McKenny, who has been an administrator of the milksharing Facebook page in southwestern Ontario, Canada, since the global network started last October, says, "it's a myth that we are all about anonymous milk drops in parking lots. Our donors and recipients support each other and learn from each other. We've had milk recipients rebuild their own milk supplies and turn around and become donors. I have seen milksharing friendships grow and watched bonds of motherhood bloom between mothers who didn't know each other a mere few weeks before."

Emma Kwasnica, founder of Human Milk 4 Human Babies Global Network, says "Breast milk is not a scarce commodity, it's a free-flowing resource. With the advance of social media, women who are willing to share their breastmilk can now easily connect with families who need milk for their children. We at HM4HB are thrilled to see women and families asserting their autonomy to do what is healthy, normal and ecological. Families are making informed choices to share breastmilk and babies everywhere are thriving as a result."

World Milksharing Week is to be held annually during the last week of September. There are a vast number of events your community can organise: hosting online discussions, a picnic in the park, an informational gathering at your work place, or a celebration at a favourite milksharing-supportive locale.

Individuals and groups who wish to host an event this year can register at www.worldmilksharingweek.org. All who encourage milksharing and who support donor and recipient families are invited to participate.

HM4HB has a presence in 54 countries around the world. There are 130 Facebook community pages and over 20,000 community page members. These virtual communities are run by 300 hardworking, multicultural administrators who lovingly and graciously volunteer their time to keep HM4HB continually focused on its mission, vision and values."

Media Contact:

Emma Kwasnica
emma.kwasnica@gmail.com
(514) 656-1560

Ed. Note: Individual HM4HB community admins can be reached through the community listings. http://www.hm4hb.net/communities.html

Facebook page for WMW:
http://www.facebook.com/WMWeek

How exciting! I've shared milk before, and will likely do so again (and I admit, I handed off milk in a hotel parking lot). I've seen so many milk matches made and so many babies receive human milk instead of a substitute made from the milk of another animal. Why shouldn't we celebrate?!

World Milksharing Week!

2011-07-04T16:19:00.002-04:00

I am thrilled to announce World Milksharing Week, which will be taking place September 24-30. Informed sharing of human milk has been getting a lot of press over the past several months (and I'm glad to give it a little more). Stay tuned for announcements about events taking place near you.

It's Potty Time!!!

2011-07-03T20:51:00.002-04:00

Today marked the 3rd day that I have been working with Meatball on potty training. He turns 2 on Tuesday. These days, a lot of people consider that early, especially for boys, but he has taken to it very well, at least the pee part. He understands how to sit on both the little potty and backwards on the toilet and intentionally pee, which is crucial to the process. It's still more parent-led at this point although sometimes he says "it's potty time" so we take him to go whenever he says that!

I'm really glad I started this with him. At the end of 3 days, while I don't consider him potty-trained because he isn't doing most of the initiating and he can't do the whole thing himself, I feel like he is on his way and we are far enough into it that I don't see us turning back. I don't think. Still haven't gotten poo in the pot yet but that will come soon. For some reason that seems to come later, especially with little boys. Go figure.

I would much rather have a newborn and a potty training toddler than a potty training toddler/preschooler and an active crawling infant, like I had last time with The Boy's earlier potty training endeavors and Meatball. Because you don't have to worry about a newborn getting in trouble, and a slightly younger toddler has slightly less nasty attitude.

Meatball still resists being taken to go to the bathroom, but he doesn't resist all the time, and when he needs to go, he does go once he gets there.

I'm very proud of him because he has been so cooperative, and I'm also proud of The Boy for relinquishing so much attention from me so that Meatball could really get this thing down.

So how did we do it? Well first, I put him in underpants and a smaller shirt. I was armed with many many pairs of underpants. And I took him to the bathroom pretty frequently, like every 20 minutes or so. I'd sit him down on Elmo potty with a book or an iPod, and we'd try, and then we'd get off the potty and leave. If he had an accident, I'd stop him and run him to the potty. We had a few hits the first day, and a lot of misses. Once I started to be able to read him, and he was starting to tell me, AND I was seeing that he was completely emptying his bladder, I backed off from taking him every 20 minutes.

I established the language--I would say "it's potty time" and I tried using a drum to make a bigger deal out of it but he didn't seem to care. Other kids might. Some people like timers that make noise. I always said pee-pee, or pee, and poo, because that's what The Boy calls it and I wanted to keep things consistent. I'd frequently use the specific terms rather than just saying "go potty" and I'd encourage him to push pee-pee out. Which he started to understand a little bit that first day and really caught onto the second day. The first day, he wasn't getting everything out every time, and would have frequent pees, accidents or not, but he did better with that after his nap the second day. And today, which was the third day, once he was changed into his underpants, he had no accidents at all, and even used the restroom at the pool.

The first day and the morning of the second day were really rough, particularly since on the second day he decided that 5:15 was wakeup time. Grumble. Musical Daddy sent me back to bed once he got up, and he was on potty patrol, but there were no hits there. Meatball took an early nap and I ran out to drop off some crafts at the hospital for a little girl who is about The Boy's age and a leukemia patient. When I came back, he was still napping. When he got up, he was dry, and we got started with a nice pee in the pot. One accident happened not long after, but once we were in the groove, I think just about every time I took him to go, he went.

Our first outing with Meatball in underpants (actually, the cloth trainers that have just a little bit more fabric and thicker legs) was to Panera for dinner followed by a playground visit, where I was scared of the port-a-potty. We took him at dinner to the real bathrooms but he didn't go. He had an accident, of both types, at the playground. I'm not sure if he'd have actually gone on the port-a-potty or not. We just missed it, and he just went without noticing.

Today, we went to an outdoor concert. Meatball stayed dry the WHOLE time without even going to the bathroom, despite my taking him on three agonizing trips to the port-a-potty. I say agonizing because those things are HOT. It was about 3 hours that he held it, which is amazing for a 2-year-old.

A slight diversion from the potty story: at this same event, The Boy managed to wander off. We were scared witless. There were plenty of people (including some of the performers) who knew The Boy and no one could find him. We even talked to the event coordinators and an announcement was made by one of the performers (who knows me well, by the way) that we were missing The Boy. I actually described him as wearing the wrong color shirt. I thought he was wearing his yellow Batman shirt, but actually, he was wearing the black one with the yellow on it. But he's probably the only kid his age wearing dark blue hearing aids. He was found playing in the fountain, having taken off his socks and shoes. And he has no concept of how terrifying the whole thing was for us. Nor does he have any sort of...you know...fear.

Anyhow, I'm pleased to report that Meatball spent the entire day without having had a single pee accident. He even napped dry again. He used the restroom at the pool, too!

The tricky part is, a newly potty training toddler is much more work than a toddler in diapers. It doesn't get easier right away to get the kid out of diapers, especially if you really commit to it and only use diapers during sleep. Any time you put a diaper back on a little one, you confuse them. I'm okay with explaining that diapers/pullups are for bedtime and are for just in case, but when your child is in underpants, it's on them to keep the underpants clean and dry and it's on you to coach them (and make sure you know where the bathrooms are!) until they assume more and more of the responsibility. You'll be responsible for their potty habits for years anyway, to some extent (you probably will have to remind your 5-year-old to go before leaving the house).

It is helpful that The Boy is potty-trained and provides a good example for Meatball. It is also helpful that Meatball hasn't developed enough attitude to provide too much resistance. We're changing a habit for him. And it seems to be working.

Circle

2011-06-29T21:59:00.003-04:00

This past Sunday, we had a party for Meatball's birthday. He actually turns 2 this coming Tuesday, but we wanted to be sure and have the party early enough for me. Just in case Ender decided to come early (no, we're not really naming him Ender).

Great time. Lots of guests, lots of food. Everyone got along and the kids were great. And it's a wild toddler celebration when someone pees in the Elmo potty and doesn't empty it, and someone throws paper towels in the cloth diaper pail. We party hard around here.

Another memorable moment: a friend who has a little boy, whom I have not seen in awhile, arrived. I saw the little boy and said, "Look how big you are!" My friend responded by looking at my belly and saying, "Look how big YOU are!"

So Meatball is 2. Almost. And he is VERY smart. But, more importantly, he is very typical. He does all these things that we watched for The Boy to do, and he does them without any sort of professional help. He has recently broadened his drawing technique to include circular strokes, which is a 2-year-old skill. He knows that he's making circles and ovals and identifies them as such, which is not a 2-year-old skill. But he is obsessed with shapes. He knows letters and numbers too, but his preference is for shapes, and he has taken to asking people to draw them for him, just like The Boy does.

At dinner this past Saturday, someone drew him a circle but must not have made it round enough, so when asked what it was, he said "oval!" Everyone's a critic.

Next endeavor: potty training. Yes, it seems like I just went through this with The Boy and was banging my head against the wall about it. Meatball is physically ready to do it--able to sit himself on the potty, able to hold pee for hours, and he can pull down pants but we'll have to refine the skill. A few weeks ago he really seemed in the game mentally as well; right now he's not as much in the mood. But he still is willing to sit, and if he is bare-bummed and starts to go, I can get him to finish in the potty. We're going to try a day of "booty camp" with a friend, where we get together and work on the potty stuff, and they cheer for each other. It might work, and it might not. It would be pretty darned cool for him to go to school/camp potty-trained next week, because he does like the little tiny toilets that they have. He's also a little bit into flushing the toilet and I have to stop him from doing that...except if he actually pees, then I make a BIG deal about letting him flush.

I don't particularly care if I have 2 in diapers...I did it before and I can do it again. But there are windows of interest with potty training and if he's willing to do it now, even if he has some accidents for awhile before really getting it, I'm going to get him started. I even bought him some new underpants for the occasion.

We still haven't sat down with Meatball to open his presents. Probably tomorrow night we'll do it. I think he will understand the present thing more at age 2 than he did at age 1.

Happy Anniversary

2011-06-27T22:19:00.002-04:00

Today it's been 7 years since Musical Daddy and I got married. It feels like we've been together forever. Not because life with Musical Daddy is so tedious and ages me so (quite the opposite, thanks), but because so much has happened to us that couldn't possibly fit into only 7 years of time together.

As I mentioned a few days ago, this time of the year, despite being a time for celebrating the beginning of our life together, will probably always be colored by the events of The Boy's cancer diagnoses and the beginning of that journey for us. Three years ago, on our anniversary, we were one day post-surgery and The Boy was in such pain and just looked awful. We had some wonderful friends bring us Chinese food and we had our anniversary dinner right there in the hospital. I guess that was the real beginning of our mentality that as long as we're together, nothing else matters. And also the beginning of many occasions to be celebrated in the hospital, since the hospital became such a huge part of our lives.

Tonight we went out to dinner. My mother gave us a coupon. We love coupons. Grandma and Grandpa took charge from bathtime to Meatball's bedtime, and continued to supervise The Boy in various electronic pursuits. The Boy had no nap today and was asleep by the middle of the first page in the second story. And the only reason it took that long is because Fox in Socks is just too cool and he had to stay awake for it.

For anyone keeping track, I'm two weeks and two days away from my "due date" with Boy #3. I'm definitely feeling round and tubby and just...slow. I'm not impatient for this baby to come out, though, because the longer he stays, the longer I have to chase "only" two little boys. I have room for two little boys on my lap (which is pushing it) and if I have three little boys, someone gets left out. And someone might also need to be followed. Hard to do when you have two other children on your lap.

Information about the baby can be found at http://www.haveyouhadthatbabyyet.com until further notice.

Photos of Boys! 6/23/2011

2011-06-25T10:50:00.001-04:00

Today was the first day of the rest of our lives

2011-06-25T00:00:00.002-04:00

I guess it's midnight so technically this all began 3 years ago yesterday. Really, 3 years ago a few days ago, but before June 24, we were still kind of in denial, hoping for something else to happen other than what did. The dates June 24, 25, and 26 will be forever remembered for our family as the day that things went horribly wrong.

June 24, 2008: I was at work that day. It was the second-to-last day with students. A half day for them and a full day for us. The Boy had this weird lump in his lower abdomen, and Musical Daddy took him to the doctor. I took a phone call in my classroom on the class phone, which doesn't happen too often, and it was Musical Daddy saying that the doctor was sending them for an ultrasound. I met them at the place, to be told that they were just finished and we were expected back at the pediatrician's office, back up the road. When the pediatrician told us what he thought we were dealing with, he was in tears. Kidney cancer. Wilms Tumor. Supposedly one of the "easiest" cancers to deal with, but still cancer. We were to pack our bags and check in to the hospital.

Right around this time, 3 years ago, we were trying to soothe The Boy whose primary soothing method--his right thumb--was taken from him in order to put the IV in his hand. Didn't help that the resident who tried twice never could find a vein on him despite jabbing him over and over and over again.

The morning of June 25th was when he went for his CT scan. We didn't "go" very far to get there, as we were not leaving that hospital. More flashbacks soon.

The Quiet...

2011-06-17T23:17:00.002-04:00

Musical Daddy and The Boy are not here, and they won't be back for a few days. The last time THAT happened was when The Boy was still on treatment.

I'm much happier to know that the reason we aren't all together is because The Boy is having fun with Daddy, rather than because he is ill and we have to divide our family in order to get him better.

I still miss them a lot. They're the ones that do the most hugging around here.

Although it was very cute; Meatball and I watched "Goodnight Moon" before he went to bed, and while he was watching it, he'd kiss my belly and say "baby kiss." He is becoming more affectionate, which makes me happy and makes Musical Daddy even happier.

On the Road

2011-06-16T22:37:00.003-04:00

Tomorrow, The Boy and Daddy are leaving for a weekend trip to help a friend move. Sad, because his friend split from his wife, although it seems to be a relatively amicable parting of ways. And she gets the dogs, no argument. No children. It should be fun for The Boy because he'll get lots of one-on-one attention from Daddy and from family out there. Also, it should be nice for Meatball to have me ALL to himself for the weekend. It's a concern that I have, that once the baby arrives, they'll miss Mom.

Let's be honest--The Boy has done this before. He figured out pretty quickly that Daddy is the best anyway, so he may not mind sharing me, although sharing Daddy will be a much bigger issue. For Meatball, sharing Mom will be an issue, but he'll get through it by spending time with everyone else. I think that The Boy is going to have a harder time adjusting than Meatball. But we shall see.

This evening we had a little bit of Father's Day festivities, since they will be gone. They'll be with Grandpa out in NJ. We had an early dinner and some cake, and the boys made presents at camp.

The first week of camp at the preschool seems to have been a success for both kids. A lot of The Boy's friends from his class are there. Meatball had just a few kids with him in his group, which is fine because the whole thing is new to him. So while they are there, I've been teaching my music lessons that normally have taken place in the evening and, for lack of a better word, we've been "nesting" around the house, him more so than me.

For actual Father's Day, we are hoping to get some kosher Chinese take-out. And more cake, of course.

The Lunch Bunch

2011-06-16T01:03:00.002-04:00

This week, Meatball and The Boy started "camp" at the preschool. The Boy was pretty much used to the whole routine, complete with already knowing his teachers, but for Meatball, it was all new. His first day seemed fine. They reported that he was happy, had fun, didn't cry, didn't get upset, and seemed a bit tired toward lunchtime but that was to be expected.

Another perk is that for the summer, they are okay with using his regular cloth diapers. When "school" is in session and it's a bigger group, they would prefer not to. That's fine.

One of the exciting things about Meatball's experience is that he gets to have lunch with The Boy and his friends. Some of the littler kids go home at 11:30, but since The Boy is already staying, and likely there are others with sibs who stay later, Meatball also stays until 12:30 and eats lunch. It was VERY cute on Tuesday to see them sitting at the little tables together with some of The Boy's friends. The two sat next to each other and had other little friends with them.

Also, Meatball has been going up to The Boy, hugging him, and saying "friend!" which is adorable.

I've been packing lunches for The Boy for several months now, and I have to pack for Meatball now as well. He goes 2 days a week; The Boy goes 4 days. Anything that I pack has to be relatively easy for the children to manage, but since they are so good with their food, that's pretty much everything. Although no cups of yogurt; bowls only, because cups are more difficult. I asked some friends about what they pack for their kids, just to get some new ideas. One friend said that she packs pancake sandwiches. You had me at "pancake" as there are few things that my kids get excited about the way that they do about pancakes.

We still are struggling with transitions, particularly with The Boy. He just doesn't want to stop what he's doing to go somewhere, no matter how awesome the place we go might be.

He is also having some random pee accidents. Doesn't seem like anything more than him pushing the envelope of how long he can hold it and just not wanting to stop what he's doing. But he is usually pretty receptive to the idea of going to the bathroom, so if we suggest that he go, he tends to listen.

I'm sure I've said this before, but potty training your child does not mean that you cease to be responsible for their...um... bathroom habits. Whether your child trains at 18 months or at age 4, you're still thinking about their bathroom needs until age 5 or 6 at least. If nothing else, you have to be sure to find the potty wherever you go. And the absolute worst is the almost-trained or just-trained kid when you're not using pull-ups/diapers, because if a kid goes in the diaper, you have time. Not a lot, because you don't want an uncomfortable child, but things are contained, so as long as you find somewhere to change him/her quickly. Accidents in underpants need to be cleaned right away.

As for the 3rd child...I've got 4 weeks until my EDD but he can take his time. I'm getting suitably round.

Go get 'em!

2011-06-08T22:46:00.003-04:00

Thanks to a supportive community of people with brains, and possibly some bad press, Lynn's profile was reinstated.

Check out this Philadelphia Inquirer article about Lynn, Liam, and the hippo.

Thanks to those of you who joined the "Bring Back Lynn Heinisch" Facebook group!

Unfortunately, some people have no class and have to talk trash about her. I might have to bust some heads in Philly.

Documentation and Banishment

2011-06-08T10:34:00.003-04:00

I'm glad that I wrote about Monday's experience, because yesterday certainly had its moments where I wondered which child was the real The Boy--the one from Monday or the one from yesterday.

Of course I already know that children in particular and all people in general have their quirks, have their good days and bad days, and that perfect consistency is a pipe dream of the parenting experts and has no real basis in reality. People are inconsistent. We do our best to provide routines for ourselves and our children and to expect that things will usually stay the same, but then, they don't. Being prepared to "move with the cheese" makes life quite a bit easier.

Yesterday, Green Arrow was banished indefinitely. He's a superhero, friend of Batman and the DC comics crew, and cheap plastic toy that shoots little arrows. I was not a fan of this toy pretty much right from the beginning, not only because it shot little arrows (it came with 2 2-inch plastic stick-things) but because it was another annoying plastic toy to add to the collection of things we can't find when The Boy wants them. I was attempting to pick up the couch cushions from the floor, and the children were unhappy about it. The Boy picks up Green Arrow and shoots him at me. I was upset by this. I didn't show him a lot of anger; I just took the toy and went to hide it away so that he wouldn't have it anymore, and I told him that it was not okay to shoot anything at a person, even more so than just hitting a person. I didn't bother with anything like time-out, which doesn't do much for him anyway, because taking the toy and having him throw a fit about it and be upset was "punishment" enough. He asked about the toy a few times during the day and asked Musical Daddy for it when he returned home. I said that Green Arrow had been banished and, later, explained why.

We agreed that The Boy was too young for toys like that, with the possible exception of the more gentle water-squirting toys. They don't really understand the difference between what shows up in stories and on TV versus what is actually acceptable in real life. A friend mentioned something about her son hitting her daughter with a frying pan, having seen it in a movie. Same age. They just don't get it. So we have to watch them very carefully, and it's up to us what they can and cannot play with, and what they can and cannot watch.

I'm sure that plenty of my readers will criticize me for letting him watch Batman, or any television, in the first place. I don't have a problem with kids reading stories from comic books and kids watching stories and movies, particularly if it's something that the family enjoys together. Musical Daddy is an avid consumer of media and has been a comic book collector for over 30 years. It's something that he wants to be able to share with the kids, as they become more ready and more interested.

As for TV in general...well, that's an entirely different topic. I choose to let my children watch TV and watch with them, and we pick what they watch. We don't have it on just for background because our TV watching is very deliberate. We almost never watch TV when it is actually on; it's all OnDemand or on our computer or on Netflix, which means no commercials. If the kids ask for something, we'll put it on, but unless they ask, we don't. Particularly now that the weather is (usually) nice and it's so easy just to walk out the door and play.

Good times with The Boy

2011-06-06T23:14:00.002-04:00

I've had this struggle going on with The Boy. It's really my own struggle, not his; he's just struggling with me because he's 3. I've felt like he saves his most ridiculous trash for me and heaps it on me more so than his other primary caregivers. And, in exchange, he picks me as a distant third to them, "them" being Musical Daddy and Grandma.

It was a pleasant day today, because I think he and I were in good spirits and relating a little better. Most of the struggles that I expected to have with him, I didn't have. When it was time to put down the game, go to the bathroom, and get in the car for physical therapy, he did it. When, after physical therapy, we went outside to play on the playground and I told him it was time to go, he listened. He did complain in the early evening when he wanted to go outside and we wouldn't take him, because Daddy had to leave for rehearsal and I was in the middle of making dinner, but I didn't feel like he was dishing all of it out on me.

This evening, we tried something new--we went to a playground that is normally in walking distance, but we drove so that we could throw the tricycles in the trunk. Meatball isn't really interested in it yet, but The Boy has been working really hard in physical therapy, but it's really not that easy for him to practice the skill on his own because all we have is sidewalk in front of the house. Next time, we can probably just bring the one trike and not need to drive. I was proud of him because he really rode that tricycle around well and, again, he didn't give me any crap when it was time to go to the playground and time to leave there.

When we returned home, I said "hands in the sink before we eat and drink" and the kids washed their hands. They had some fruit, and then they took a bath. Slight complaining but no real resistance, no hitting, nothing too bad. I also had the boys put the bath toys in the bucket so that I could actually have the tub clear and the bath mat properly hung. They were great about it. When it was time for bed, The Boy didn't complain at all about doing "potty and teeth" and going for stories. We did three stories, and at the end of the third, he wanted to read it himself. Then, he asked for another story. Opened the collection of stories to one about Finding Nemo. Complete with "please." I acquiesced, because he had been so very agreeable all day, also having this feeling that he'd be asleep about halfway into the story. And I was right.

I feel so much better when most of my interactions with The Boy make me smile. He's so cute and so sweet. I'm going to try and do whatever it was that I did today, so that hopefully we can keep having these sorts of days.

Bring Lynn Back!!!

2011-06-05T23:14:00.002-04:00

Facebook--breastfeeding is not obscene!

Lynn submitted a photo for Mothering Magazine. She was sitting next to a hippo and nursing her 1-year-old son. Somehow the photo was determined to be obscene, and Lynn's profile was deleted. I saw the picture; for the longest time I thought that she just had a picture of a hippo because it was cool and then I realized that on the bottom of the picture was Lynn nursing the little boy.

For those who don't know my connection to this wonderful mama, this article from the Philadelphia Inquirer explains it pretty well:

http://articles.philly.com/2010-12-07/news/25293346_1_breast-milk-human-milk-fda

And here is my original blog post about her, although most of the story has gone differently than we expected, from the way we got milk to her, to the reasons behind the feeding issues and the positive resolution that involved eliminating gluten from their diets.

http://logicalmommy.blogspot.com/2010/06/milk-works.html

So the fact that this mother is breastfeeding, and is STILL breastfeeding, and her little boy is just as cute and smart as he can be, and THRIVING, is particularly important to me.

If you could do me a favor and "like" this page, I'd appreciate it.

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Bring-Back-Lynn-Heinisch/214683925233273?sk=wall

Back to square one

2011-06-04T22:08:00.003-04:00

No luck on the job interview. They said they'd call by the end of the work week if I was going on to the next round, and they didn't. Last time, they called early.

Is it because I'm very pregnant? I'm sure that doesn't help. Despite my previous track record of doing my job while entrusting my child to my very capable husband, I'm certain that they have no interest in hiring a pregnant person, even though I did tell them when I was due. They won't admit that they hold it against me, but I'm pretty sure that they do.

Earning my keep

2011-06-03T13:40:00.003-04:00

Today I've been substituting in a class where the students are done and the teacher left movies. Super. But the teacher is on a trip and the kids need a babysitter.

I had a second interview for a job on Wednesday. Today, we are awaiting a call to see if I make it to the next level. Haven't heard yet. I'm starting to feel less optimistic.

Musical Daddy and I are in a position where we are both actively seeking employment,and whomever gets it will go to work. That means that the other will be the stay-at-home parents to the THREE boys and doing occasional musical activities. If this job that I'm going for doesn't go through, there are a few, and I mean a FEW, others, for which we've put in.

As usual the instability is quite unsettling.

The children are doing well. Just peachy. Today is The Boy's last day of preschool, then we have a week free, and after that, BOTH boys start summer camp. Which is the same school, complete with the same teachers for The Boy, but the activities will be different and they'll just have lots and lots of fun. I'm excited for Meatball to get to go too, because he loves just to go there, and I think he'll enjoy making friends and meeting new people.

I just hope they're ready for him. But then again, I think he's a lot more typical for his age in terms of his emotional development than The Boy. So he'll do fine. Actually, they're a lot closer together in that respect. And in clothing size--the hand-me-downs are pretty direct around here, despite the nearly two-year age difference.

Tonight I'm going to attempt Tot Shabbat again with The Boy. Just him, though. Meatball isn't going until he's a little older, because he just doesn't ever cooperate. They both save their worst behavior for shul, it seems, but who knows, maybe The Boy will be good tonight. However, if he didn't take a nap and throws a total fit before leaving the house, I'll have learned from the experience of a few weeks ago. And I'll STAY HOME.

They grow out of it, and into it

2011-05-29T00:26:00.002-04:00

Today was the first pool day of the season, and it was amazing to watch how the boys have changed since the end of last summer. The Boy was still not quite at full strength back then, and Meatball was still a baby, and didn't walk much if at all. Now they are both very comfortable at the baby pool, to the point where one of us could comfortably go with the two kids.

I'm frustrated that more often than not, bathtime is preceded by me getting hit by The Boy. He gets nasty and doesn't want to cooperate when it comes to stopping whatever he is doing for his bath. When I remember, I can avoid some of the struggle by letting him know ahead of time what's coming up. That occasionally works. Sometimes. But if I forget to do that, then I get "No! Stop! You have to stop!" and he swipes at me. My own advice to others about stuff like this is that eventually they'll look back and realize that their child doesn't do that annoying thing that s/he used to do because eventually behaviors are outgrown. So I have to follow my advice and while I continue to demonstrate positive behaviors and walking away from the kids when they hit (assuming a safe situation of course), this stuff won't go away until The Boy grows out of throwing fits and hitting and develops a better sense of timetables and tasks. It's something we had to work on with potty training, and it's still part of the rhetoric around here (Gotta stop what I'm doing and run run run to the potty) but getting a child to do something because it's "time" rather than because they really need to is a challenge. Maybe it's better to let him decide what we are going to do. Although he probably picks "stay home and play iPad all day, and by the way Mom, baths are for suckers."

It's a fun age. For both boys. Fun to see how Meatball is really a little person. Fun to watch both children get smarter and learn more every day. Less fun when they are cranky or talking back, but some of that forces a reexamination and adjustment. Also less fun when Meatball is woken up multiple times when trying to sleep.

As for baby #3, he seems to want to play, which is funny. I'll chase him around my belly, and feel feet (I hope) near my belly button. A few days ago, I was playing cello and he just wanted to get close to the instrument.

Also, I have a second interview for a great elementary string orchestra teaching job in a few days. Wish me luck. Especially since there is a playing component, and I have to get my pregnant self around a double bass...

Now hear this

2011-05-27T21:20:00.003-04:00

Today was fun. At The Boy's school they had a lunch, to "welcome summer" and for teacher appreciation. Families invited. Our boys were good (except for a few times when we had to go looking for them...). Musical Daddy was a little kid magnet--several of The Boy's friends engaged in various forms of Daddy-tackling, and a boy who is David's good buddy actually sat on his lap. I think he would make a great preschool teacher, although I don't see him doing well with the inherent gender stereotyping issues.

He has recently explored this topic, so I won't get too into it, but I find that many of the issues with men/fathers just not knowing what they are doing and not being as competent with babies and little kids just don't apply to Musical Daddy. He does defer to me on certain issues, such as infant feeding and carseat safety, because I have done the research and/or possess the equipment. But he always knows what is going on with the kids and is very aware of what they need at any given point, even if what they "need" is to run around the house with no pants on singing the ABC's.

He is a natural when it comes to the little ones. And he is SO excited to have another itty bitty boy coming soon.

After the lunch, we went home for our very nice rest.

Then I had the distinct pleasure of taking The Boy for an ear irrigation. His audiologist saw him yesterday and let me know that he had a lot of wax buildup in there and it was likely contributing to increased feedback in the hearing aids. It wasn't fun, and he cried about it. I had to hold him on my lap which is, fortunately, pretty uncommon these days, but I haven't forgotten and he probably hasn't either. After it was done and he got stickers and we walked out, I asked him if it hurt or if it was just annoying, and he said it was annoying; I hope he understood that and was telling the truth, because if it did hurt, I'd rather that he feel fine in saying so. I haven't has this procedure done, but that's what I've heard about it.

I realized later this evening that I should have referenced the page in One Fish, Two Fish where the guy has a bird in his ear. I did ask him later if that's why he needed the ear cleaning, and he said yes. Silly boy.

About the list, and luck

2011-05-25T22:05:00.002-04:00

How lucky I am, to be sitting up with The Boy, an hour later than he really should be up, waiting for him to go to sleep, because sometimes he still has trouble. How lucky that I get to offer him new decals for his hearing aids. Or remind him that he needs his medicine.

Another precious warrior got her angel wings today. A heart-wrenching description, as a family friend wrote about how Riley reached for her mother's arms and, then, was taken into His. She had been fighting and fighting, having completed at least four different types of treatment for Wilms Tumor, and it just didn't happen.

Riley's story was one I followed closely, as she had been on the regimen on which The Boy had been. She completed the entire 30 cycles. She still did well in school and was accepted into the gifted program. She also ended up with hearing aids.

Riley was wise beyond her years and was consistently true to her faith. She gave her parents hope when they struggled and, reading her story, she seemed almost fearless. That's easy to say about my kid, who didn't really understand what was happening to him, but Riley was six when she began her battle and ten when she lost it. She knew what was happening to her and still remained so strong.

About five hours later, Riley's maternal grandfather passed away as well. If heaven is there as it is described, then they travel together. But they leave behind Riley's parents and three younger siblings, whom I hope have been given some of Riley's strength.

Another child in our Wilms community is also in that "make him comfortable" stage. After 3 magical days on his Make-A-Wish trip, he became very ill and had to return to his hospital.

I know of these families through an email group. Everyone has a child who is either on treatment for Wilms Tumor, is off treatment, or is an angel. There are also a few adult survivors. The list changes. Some who are no longer fighting don't really keep up with the list because it's too hard. Some who are off treatment prefer to keep their distance, while some come back to congratulate on clear test results and help support those who get bad news. Frequent topics include educational and social issues as they relate to the post-treatment child. And, of course, there are the new members. And we always say, glad you're here because we are glad to help you, but sorry you have to be.

I really hope that the reason for the list growing is that more families are being made aware of it, but I'm just not feeling that optimistic.

Why do I stay on the list? I know that my heart is just going to break over and over again for these children and families who were on the wrong side of the statistics. And I'll just be reminded of how we aren't our of the woods yet with The Boy. However, it is important to share these stories and to pull together with people who REALLY understand, whether we are searching for satisfaction with a medical decision, dealing with emotional fallout from our sick/formerly sick children and their siblings, or trying to figure out the best way to get special service for our children because we might not know what the toxic chemicals have done to them.

If you pray, pray for these families. Also, a Jewish mother of young children in NYC is fighting cancer. Her name is Chaya Meira (will get her mother's name soon). The "Chaya" was added to her name, as it means "life." Anyhow, the family is asking for people to do Chesed, acts of lovingkindness, in her name. It's a Jewish custom to do something like that; have in mind the name of a person who needs healing as you do something good and righteous. Every little bit helps, right?

Disasters (relatively speaking)

2011-05-20T21:13:00.003-04:00

I'll pat myself on the back for being very self-aware and recognizing that I am the one who sets the tone (thank you, Positive Parenting Challenge, for the reminders) and I am always in control of how a situation is going to go, because I am armed with knowledge and foresight and planning capability.

AFTER I give myself a stern talking-to for completely ignoring my instincts and knowledge and foresight. When a parent ignores that instinct, things can frequently go wrong.

Here's how it all went down. The new member blessing and congregational picnic at our synagogue was this evening, and we were excited to go. Particularly once we got there and learned that the menu included both hot dogs and Rita's ice. Thinking about it, though, since the service took place before the meal, we decided that just The Boy and I would attend, and Daddy would take Meatball out somewhere else special. And Grandma and Grandpa could actually have a quiet house for an evening.

I should mention that Musical Daddy and I worked today. It was nice--we got to work together. We arrived home from work around 4:15 and found the boys playing in the living room with Grandma. Everything had gone relatively well at home that day with the help of Aunt J. Mom said that it was a pretty active day for her with the kids. Did Meatball nap, I asked? Well, he did, but The Boy did not.

And that, right there, was the problem.

The Boy is at that awkward stage where he thinks that he can get by without a nap. I can barely get by without a nap. Some days I don't know how I function after 1PM. So when it was time to leave for services and the picnic, he turned on his usual "I don't want to go!" hysterics. A little worse than normal but I figured he'd be happy once he got there. He was pretty excited to be going to school again that day (as it was also where he goes to preschool). And he was happy that they had a name tag printed out just for him! We got in to the service and they were just starting. I picked a seat in front of a family where the mother was a friend I had gone to school with a long time ago and the older daughter was in The Boy's class. He FREAKED the heck out, so we had to walk right back out. First we were in the hallway trying to calm down and some older ladies were shushing us. Thanks, like I didn't know that the kid was loud, that's why we left the service. We moved to a bench further up, and we saw more of The Boy's school friends walking by on their way in with their families.

Did The Boy want to go in and sit and sing songs and have fun with friends? No. Not even if, when we were done singing songs, we could have hot dogs and fruit ice? No. Do we need to wait? No, we just want to go home. Well, Boy, we're not going home. I realized that sitting there was a waste of time, so we just left and got in touch with Daddy and Meatball to meet them for dinner instead.

As we were waiting at the light near the building, The Boy decided that he wanted to go back. Well, too late. We didn't. And he screamed. And he cried. And he said "Nobody loves me!" which I am certain is a line from the old "Cat in the Hat" movie. Just like there are things that he'll now say "I do not like it!" for, which he got directly from the "Green Eggs and Ham" book. Who knew that Dr. Seuss could be held responsible for ornery behavior?

A good 15 minutes was spent on the "nobody loves me" issue. I of course told him that everybody loves him, and I named people who love him, and he said that they didn't. Of course. I then asked him some leading questions to perhaps get him to be able to verbalize his feelings a little better. We talked about how hard it is sometimes when you want to just keep doing what you're doing and someone else wants you to go somewhere, or do something else. Even though it might end up being more fun to do the new thing, you want to do what you are already doing and not change it. Transitions can be an issue, in other words. I let him know that we wanted him to do other things with us because we love him and want him to have fun, not because nobody loves him.

He fell asleep and stayed that way for about 10 minutes, maybe less, before we arrived at the restaurant.

Which, thankfully, had outdoor seating.

The Boy was somewhat happy to see Daddy and sat with him for awhile. Didn't really want to eat for awhile, even though I brought him strawberries. Meatball was, of course, thrilled as anything to get melon and other assorted goodies from the salad bar. Meatball was really quite good the entire evening, which was very helpful and made me feel better.

Also, The Boy REALLY didn't want to go to the bathroom, despite having leaked a little bit, both upon our arrival at the synagogue and our arrival at the restaurant. He was whining and complaining and dancing around, and still refused to let us take him. Finally he did, after the food had arrived. And thank goodness, because he did feel quite a bit better after that. This wasn't residual from the potty drama of a few days ago, though. We could tell that this was more about control, because he still felt so out of control this evening.

After we ate, we played around a little bit at the walking path and up and down the hill. We looked at the river and talked to the doggies as people walked by with them.

We went to the bookstore, as was the plan for Meatball and Daddy. They didn't have the books we wanted (have to go order them once I'm done blogging), but we did have gift cards which we spent on some fun books for boys--The Cat in the Hat Comes Back, Hop on Pop, and a really cute train book. Also, we bought presents for a birthday party that The Boy will be attending on Sunday. The kids roamed around in the children's section with us for awhile, looking at books, reading a few, looking at some things. Meatball also asked for "new pants" (diaper change) completely unprompted.

So we did end up having an okay time, but things definitely didn't go as we had wanted.

Obviously I made a poor decision in trying to anywhere in the evening with The Boy without him having napped. Particularly on a day when we were both at work, because I think that he gets off-balance when he is away from us. But on the other hand, at some point kids do stop throwing tantrums of that sort, and at some point they are able to understand that if we sit in the service and sing songs and have fun with friends, then after that we can have a nice dinner which includes hot dogs and fruit ice. And they will actually listen to that and understand it instead of being defiant just for the sake of being able to tell Mom no. It was exceptionally embarrassing to see The Boy's friends going in to attend the service, and sitting with their parents and singing songs and all that, and just wondering, why in the world can't my kid do that? I know that he does at least an okay job of sitting with his friends at school to sing songs or listen to stories. Why is it that, particularly when we try and go to services, he just refuses? And more to the point, why is my kid such a baby when the other kids are acting like real people?

Unfortunately, even though it's been awhile, I have to pull out the old cancer card. Frustrating, because it isn't as if people can look at my typical-appearing 3 year old boy and see what he used to look like and what his health situation used to be. Some might get a glimpse of the hearing aids and wonder, but the real reason that The Boy really is still different from many kids his age has to do with the scars on his belly and the scars to his psyche. We don't know what fighting off medicine has done to him. We don't know if the fact that I gave him shots for over a year of his life has contributed to his frequent desire to push me away. We aren't sure if he has an unconscious issue with us because we willingly brought him to the hospital when he was feeling well so that he could be given medicine to make him feel awful. And, more simply, he didn't really get to be 2. He didn't really get to be 1 either. Most of the time he spent at those ages was hardly what you'd call a childhood.

My mother brought up the point that that area of development, in the social and emotional spheres, The Boy is not at the same level as he is with his intellectual capabilities. Yes, he can read a little bit at his age, but can he play in a group? He can write letters and numbers, but is he able to do an activity with other people, when that activity is supposed to take place? I don't have any desire to downplay my boy's strengths or dismiss them in favor of what I might think is important. However, certain areas of weakness in him are bound to cause some issues.

Ultimately, a rough evening out is still better than, say, a visit to the ER in the fast lane. But I'm disappointed that I didn't do more to prevent The Boy's hysterics. And I don't think that there needed to be any additional retribution here. The fact that he didn't get hot dogs and fruit ice finally seemed to stick with him. It was a natural consequence, I thought--he didn't want to stay, so he didn't get the food after. Similar with last event--they were crazy and wild, and The Boy was upset by not getting ice cream, but we were done chasing them and couldn't deal with it anymore; had to go home. Missing ice cream was unfortunate, but it happened.

It's been very exhausting. I'm falling asleep in my chair and it's only about 10PM.

STOP

2011-05-17T23:29:00.002-04:00

I am glad to report that The Boy is on the mend. No longer afraid of the toilet, thank goodness.

Quick story: The Boy was going to the bathroom (putting off going to bed but still having to go for real). He had been playing in his room and brought some toys in a hat, which is silly enough. He started to tell me that neither of us would be going to bed. He looked in the hat and said "we have to STOP going to bed" and held up a little stop sign. I said that I wanted to go to bed. I still haven't but I said I wanted to. He repeated "we have to STOP going to bed!" and kept on holding up the sign. I laughed out loud.

Unpleasant, plus good news

2011-05-17T11:50:00.003-04:00

Any time that pop becomes the central focus, things get unpleasant.

So does The Boy.

Yesterday was "scan" day, and he didn't want to pee then either, to the point where he had an accident right there and wiped out any chance of us getting a urine sample that day.

Most important was the news that The Boy remains with NED status. Not that we aren't perpetually worried, but the pop stuff was still on our minds. The oncologist brought up the point that a virus could cause the constipation. Odd to me because usually viruses go the other way. The Boy's white count was elevated, with nothing else wrong, which corroborated the doctor's theory. Fun for everyone. But still not a big deal by comparison, either to our cancer struggles in the past or the GI struggles of some of our cancer friends.

So it's been a rough time. MiraLax in the morning, and complaints from The Boy. He hurts, he says.

Meatball has been great through all of this. Very pleasant and cooperative. I think he knows.

I'm just glad that now that the looser poo has started, The Boy used the real toilet. Nothing worse than cleaning runny poo out of Elmo Potty.

You don't have to thank me...

2011-05-15T15:52:00.002-04:00

The resident here in the ER came in to check out The Boy. She did the basic exam, such as listening to his chest and back and checking his ears and mouth. Then she had to look at his bum. Following that, she did a rectal exam and found no masses and no blood, and nice soft tissue.

He was quite cooperative. I think he remembers how to be cooperative for doctors even if he doesn't completely remember his hospital experiences.

We asked him to say "thank you" to the doctor. She was charmed, and said "you don't have to thank me for a rectal exam." Very quotable.

I don't know if the ER docs get a lot of "thank you."

On a similar note, we walked back with someone who seemed to be a grandmother, with a girl who was about 6 and didn't seem to be in too bad a state. She was very irritated at having had to wait. We said that we'd rather have to wait than be such an urgent case as to get fast-tracked.

She didn't get it. And with any luck on their part, they never will.

The ER, local traffic

2011-05-15T15:11:00.002-04:00

Haven't been here in awhile.

Once, with Meatball, last October or so. We waited a LONG time. Hours.

Today is our first time here with The Boy since we got kicked out of the express lane. He's still in pretty bad shape so will be seen soon, hopefully. They did vitals already, within half an hour.

So what's wrong with him? Well, yesterday he had to poo, and couldnt. We did a suppository (actually, Grandma did) and he went, and felt better. For awhile. Then the next time he went, there was some blood in there and he was in pain. He felt well enough to attend my concert last night, but by this morning, he was in pain more than not. When we had talked to the doctor first, he said do the suppository. Next conversation was regarding the blood in his stool and the pain. The doctor said Tylenol and Orajel. Tylenol by mouth, Orajel on the bum. Not the original design, but it's for numbing, so...

Anyhow, since he was worse, and remained worse, the doctor said to bring him to the ER for some X-rays.

It was exactly an hour from the time we arrived until we were back in a room.

Mother

2011-05-09T16:50:00.002-04:00

Mother's Day was. We had a relatively enjoyable day, although not necessarily the typical mom-as-pampered-princess type of day. Not that I expected it, or wanted it.

I said to my mother that Mother's Day isn't necessarily about "freedom FROM mothering" to which she responded that, sure, it was. Not really, because kids as small as mine don't really know the difference. They still need Mom.

The Boy had a fever, and, as we discovered today, has another ear infection. Now what I'm wondering is, do the ear infections have to do with the hearing aids or the start of school? Both happened around the same time. So yesterday he was a little cranky and irritable. And now we have the wonderful antibiotics and the accompanying loose stools to go with them.

Meatball is getting better at the bed thing. Interestingly enough, he has had a few poos late at night, or at naptime, and he'll get up out of bed and stand by the changing table. Good thinking, kid.

We did have a grilled dinner, courtesy of my father and me. I don't mind cooking. I enjoy it--I like being able to prepare the food and present the food, preferably with someone else amusing the kids, but they can "help" if they're around. Also, it's nice that someone else will usually do dishes for me.

And we had cake.

Today, I worked. It's interesting how after spending only a few days working for someone, I can figure out SO much about them and the way that they do their job.

Only about 2 months until I become a mother of 3. I'm getting rounder every day.

I hear...boys.

Operation Toddler Bed

2011-05-08T09:28:00.002-04:00

Meatball's attempts to escape his crib (not when he's trying to sleep, but when he's waking up, mostly) were met with an abrupt bed shift on Friday night. Musical Daddy removed the crib and replaced it with the little toddler bed that we had bought for The Boy and had used with very little success. We didn't want Meatball taking a header out of the crib, and his climbing technique indicated that he was moving in that direction.

Friday night was the first night. I should mention that it wasn't a great evening anyway. We attended Tot Shabbat at our shul, which should be lots of fun. This is also where The Boy goes to preschool, and some of his friends from school were there, as well as one of his teachers who just adores him. However, our kids are a little squirrely to begin with, and they seem to reserve the most resistance to group participation for these events. The Boy ate nothing but strawberries, despite the fact that we thought to bring noodles and sauce as our potluck entry. Meatball ate well, but then, he always does.

The kids weren't listening, weren't staying with us, were wandering off, and in a moment of Mean Mommy-ness, I decided that the perfect time to throw in the towel and leave the event was when we finished the services and returned to the reception room for dessert. Yes, I pulled the old "you didn't listen, so now you don't get ice cream." I'm not entirely proud of that but frankly, I was tired of chasing them around and I figured that they'd had enough of the group setting. Unfortunate that they missed ice cream as a result.

With regards to the bed, though, the first two nights have been...not too bad. The first night, which followed the missing of ice cream, involved a long time of Musical Daddy sitting with Meatball and putting him back in bed and playing him recordings and such. When we finally got him to sleep, he stayed asleep until 7:30 AM. The second night involved putting Meatball in bed and after a few minutes of wandering around, he snuggled in and slept. However, he was up at 2:30 and wouldn't go back to sleep, either with us or in his bed. I'm completely fine with children visiting our bed at night, if they actually sleep. If they come in to play, then they get bounced back to bed. It was 3:30 when Meatball stopped resisting his bed, after being back and forth between his bed and ours, and he slept until 7:30 again.

Naptime was a bit of a bear yesterday. We started the nap process late, and he didn't really want to nap, and he kept getting out of bed. In my stubbornness I missed that he was getting out of bed and going to the changing table because he had poo in his pants. After fixing that, he went down for his nap and was fine.

I felt bad because there have been more tears during this process than I prefer with regards to my kids and bed. I don't like it when my kids cry. No one does. But there seemed to be little I could do to fix it. If he'd actually do it, I'd snuggle him to sleep or almost to sleep and then put him in bed. If he'd nap with me like The Boy still does, I'd be glad to forgo independent napping for Meatball in favor of a consistent family nap. I could just say that Meatball can make a decision himself about naps and whether he needs them or not, but that's not realistic either. He has frequently said that he wants to rest, and has been put in his crib to do so without any complaint. So it isn't as if he doesn't want to rest; he just is unaccustomed to the new venue.

I lament the fact that Meatball has been SUCH a low-maintenance sleeper, even when he was waking up in the middle of the night for feedings, and now we actually have to work at getting him to bed. Maybe. If he can go to bed like he did last night and stay asleep like he did the night before, we'll be fine.

It's interesting to see Meatball at 22 months now, which is the age that The Boy was when Meatball was born. Back then, I had two babies. Now I've got two little boys who talk and climb and run around. Not that it's a fair comparison because of the whole illness factor, but Meatball at this age is SO different than The Boy was.

As for The Boy, he isn't feeling very well right now. We're going to take him to the doctor tomorrow--he had this fever with wheezing and coughing thing that went away and came back. Could be just another kiddie cold; could be something a little more serious that requires medication.

And finally, on the list of Things That Aren't Fair, I wanted to mention that we have some new angels. A little girl who is the daughter of my sister's colleague lost her fight with cancer at age 4. The funeral was this past Friday. Also, Meghan Henry, a 22 year old nursing student and long time Wilms Tumor patient, passed away late Friday night.

We live our normal lives, and yet, in the back of our minds are these stories of these friends that we've never met but with whom we are connected thanks to our membership in this exclusive club we never really wanted to join.

David has his next oncology checkup on Monday, May 16. We hope and pray that he remains disease-free.

Dreary

2011-05-01T22:27:00.002-04:00

Spring in Western PA tends to be heavy on the April showers. We get just enough warmth and sunshine to trick us into thinking that our Spring and Summer wardrobes need to come out and then it doesn't matter because we seem to have so few places to go.

The Boy is sick with a cold and is wheezing, so we will be calling the doctor in the morning.

One of the highlights of today's indoor activities was time spent playing on the Wii. In addition to enjoying the Wii Fit "obstacle course," we also played with the little characters (called Mii for those who haven't seen it before). We made a Mii for several of The Boy's school friends and one of his teachers. He picked some of their features in order to make the Mii look more like the friend, and then he would tell me how to spell the person's name. I helped, but he really seems to know how to spell those names!

Yesterday was the eye doctor for us grownups followed by a rare treat--The Original Pancake House! It isnt particularly close by, but it us near the eye doc. We have IHOP nearby, which is nice, but this is much better. And the kids were SO hungry, and so excited for pancakes.

Unfortunately I seem to be getting whatever The Boy has. Cold or something. I'm wiped.

Transition

2011-04-21T10:41:00.002-04:00

During our Passover Seder, we talked a lot about how this time of the year is one of transition. In the history of the holiday itself, we celebrate the transition from slavery to freedom, from being strangers to being at home, and being delivered from oppression. In the current practices, we discuss the transition of the season (I've heard that it is springtime in western PA but I haven't seen so much evidence), the transition from our normal diets to the Passover one, and even the transition between the parts of the seder.

I found the process of preparing the kitchen and food supply to be somewhat therapeutic, because I was thinking about it ahead of time and not buying things that we might not use and would just have to get rid of, not to mention that I like to buy fresher things anyway. But then once it came time to get rid of things, I was glad to give our food to wonderful people in our lives who do not celebrate Passover and to make a trip to the food bank with a laundry basket full of non-perishables. Not that it's stuff we wouldn't use, but really, we can easily just get more.

It's also the time of year that I swap out the clothing, packing up the winter wear and bringing out the spring and summer things. Mostly because I don't want to have to do it multiple times. It was a wonderful feeling that The Boy was in need of clothing because he had grown this year. Meatball was in need of clothing too--whatever The Boy was just wearing goes directly to him. Grandma was, of course, happy to shop for The Boy and get him new things to wear.

The Boy loves sandals and shorts; unfortunately, we're not really there yet in terms of the local climate.

Thinking about transitions and The Boy, Passover has marked points of transition for him as well. In 2008, he was an infant. A healthy infant. And it wasn't long before he was to become the cutest little oncology patient, and no longer a healthy infant. In 2009, he was still on treatment, and we had begun his relapse protocol. He was really sailing through it, and having very few issues with it. He had had radiation as well, which was not too taxing (except for the REALLY early morning wakeups). Right after Passover 2009, we began a stretch of time in which he was in the hospital more often than out of the hospital, from the end of April until the middle of August (including, naturally, the time of Meatball's birth).

The following year, in 2010, we attended the Passover Seders in Harrisburg and raced home to get him to chemo, only to learn, once we were there, that he was no longer going to be on treatment. Our feelings about that were very mixed--they took him off chemo because of the danger to his remaining kidney. So yes, we'd be getting a reprieve from the toxic chemicals, but those were the same toxic chemical that were keeping the cancer away. Also, if we were stopping treatment, were we trading one problem for another by counting down the days until kidney failure?

This year, from last Passover to this one, has been the most "normal" one we've had. In many respects, The Boy is a typical preschooler. There are plenty of issues through which we still work, but by comparison, they are minor. And most of them are variations of typical little kid problems, possibly magnified by his medical history, but some are just the 3-year-old behaviors that everyone knows and ~~runs away from~~ loves.

The Boy was wonderful, with the exception of a few tantrum-y episodes that he saves for us. Like during the first Seder when he decided that he needed to lock himself in the bathroom in order to go. But other than that, he was fabulous. He even "performed" for the family during the second seder, singing some of the Passover songs (working for treats, of course).

Work beckons...

Upset Balance

2011-04-16T23:26:00.002-04:00

Yesterday and most of today, Musical Daddy was away at a barbershop contest. And The Boy was just not himself.

It's odd, because we'll have periods of time where one or the other of us will be away for awhile during the day, working and doing lessons or whatever else, and things will be fine. But he just KNOWS somehow that Daddy is not as close by as he normally is, and something isn't right with the world.

Grandma and Grandpa stepped it up, as they always do, and their help is so valuable to us, but it wasn't the same for The Boy. He needs Daddy the most.

Everything was a battle with The Boy, particularly today. Everything involved him hitting us or trying to hit us. His fuse was exceptionally short, particularly when dealing with his brother. Fits all around. I did put him in "time out" of sorts, which I usually don't do, just for the purpose of getting him away from us, because he was really trying to hurt Meatball in the interest of playing a different computer game than the one that Meatball wanted to play with Grandma. I also declared no computer games for The Boy for the rest of the day. Not that it made much of a difference to him overall, but that way there was no cause for him to fight with Meatball about it. Frequently, Meatball does things to provoke The Boy. He's close in size and thinks he's big, so he pesters The Boy and eventually, The Boy fights back. This time, Meatball was just trying to play.

It's a bit stressful around here because we're trying to get things ready for Passover, so the house will be all set to go when we get back from our trip. Also, my 14-year-old cousin will be coming back here with us (well, with my parents and sister) for the remainder of her spring break. Tomorrow and Monday, we go out to eat, because there's pretty much nothing left in the house.

Passover is coming...

2011-04-11T09:47:00.002-04:00

and I just realized that we're a week out. It just snuck right up on us, didn't it?

I mentioned that on Saturday I hosted what was basically a model seder. There's a certain smell in the kitchen when you have those Seder plates out...with the raw horseradish and the haroset (which is a mix of chopped apples, walnuts, cinnamon, and wine or grape juice that tastes a little like pie), coupled with the smell of soup and possibly gefilte fish. And it makes me happy, because Passover is a bunch of fun with the family.

I've been doing my best to manage the "exodus" of bread products and other non-Passover things from our fridge and freezer so we don't waste them. And of course, anything that is already opened is no longer kosher for Passover, even if it is supposed to be otherwise.

The Boy has been singing some songs at school for Passover, too. I'm excited! He knows the first part of the Four Questions. Meatball doesn't, but he likes to hear it and asks for it again. They both sing "Dayenu" as well.

We will travel to Harrisburg as we always do. This will be The Boy's first Passover since his treatment. We rushed back last year to get him in the hospital for chemo, to be told that we wouldn't start quite yet, and then when we went in, we were told that he was done with it.

Today I'm working. I'm substituting for high school band and music theory. This is one of those programs where many of the kids seem to live in the band room. Not dissimilar to the high school program where Musical Daddy worked in terms of band room culture, quite a long time ago now. I haven't gotten a feel for exactly the type of program that it is, although I know that it is a musically sound one, at least starting at the junior high level because I've been in there too. The kids are all helpful and want to do their work, which is nice. I'm not feeling very well today, unfortunately. I didn't get enough sleep, and I think I have a cold. And I'm in my third trimester of pregnancy, so everything takes a little bit more effort.

Wait, what? How did that happen? That was fast! But I think that since my due date is July 13 and today is April 11, I'm just now entering into the third trimester. I guess I'm 27 weeks on Wednesday. Am I ready to have THREE children?

Onion Breath

2011-04-09T22:39:00.002-04:00

It's been a busy few weeks and weekends for us. Not in a bad way at all--lots of good things!

Last weekend included a fantastic comedy show attended by Musical Daddy and myself. Without children (definitely NOT age appropriate, nor would they get it anyway). The following day, we toured the women's hospital where I'm going to be having baby #3. You know, whatever his name might happen to be. I feel MUCH better about the place, as I had heard some things about it being too intervention-happy, both during labor/delivery and postpartum. Not to mention generally unfriendly. What I had forgotten in listening to some friends (of many different mindsets, not just the crazy hippies like me) talk about this hospital is that it couldn't possibly be any worse than the place I had my other two kids. You know, where the C-section rate is nearly 50%, and they push formula at every shift change it seemed. If I could feel comfortable there, then certainly a place that is MORE motherbaby friendly will be even easier.

A friend who just had a baby there about a week ago (unmedicated VBAC by the way!) and had also had 2 other births out of state also had positive things to say.

After that was a 2nd birthday party for a friend's son. My kids love this little boy and it's so cute to listen to them call him by name. Our friends got a guy with a Barney suit to come and do some games and singing and dancing, and photos of course. He did a nice job; the only thing that I'd improve with regards to his act is that it's hard to hear him talking through the big costume head and a wireless mic system might really help. But other than that, all the kids at the party were very cute and very good.

I worked a few days this past week, as did Musical Daddy. Gets crazy around here when both of us go to work because poor Grandma is in charge of the kiddies. She does an amazing job and we love her for it, but it's still hard for everyone because everyone is exhausted.

Then last night, I went out with some friends to the casino that is here in town. Definitely not Atlantic City. But, it was also a cheaper night than it would be had we been in AC. 3 of the 4 of us who were there are pregnant. Two of us with kid #3 and one with kid #1. Our ~~designated drinker~~ 4th person has a 1-year-old. Great time. Lots of penny slots, which were fun. I don't know how much I actually spent on the slots but I finished the night down $23, plus $9 for food. That's a pretty cheap night out, I think.

Tonight we hosted some friends for an international dinner. It was a pretend Passover Seder! They aren't Jewish, any of them, so it was a neat experience. The kids were good, too. Typical kids, a little eating, a little playing, a little wandering, but it's to be expected.

Thursday night was tricky--I was making the soup for today and for some reason, Meatball REALLY wanted to eat some of the onions. So, as I was cutting them for the soup, I would give him pieces.

Fast-forward a bit and he's just not cooperating about going to bed, which isn't like him at all. Instead of snuggling in for a hug while I sang him his songs, he was screaming at me with his onion breath.

Finally he went to sleep a little after 9.

Anyhow, laundry calls, but we're still here and still doing just fine!

Have children, will travel (grumpily)

2011-03-29T01:01:00.002-04:00

Here we are in New Jersey, having put in a 9-to-5 day (more or less) to get out here. Worth it, to see our friends and their new baby boy, and for a little bonus visit with Musical Daddy's BFF, his brother and family, and Grandpa of course (the kid's grandpa, not his. Also worth noting is that I call my mother "Grandma" just as often as I call her Mom or Mother, even when not in the presence of my children). And since we don't have real jobs, we are a lot more flexible with our time.

The children are not bad travellers; they just don't always like being stuck in the car for hours. Particularly Meatball, who isn't necessarily old enough to stay focused on either a toy or whatever media happens to be playing over the car stereo. We own a portable DVD player, but I'm just not thrilled with the idea because I don't want it to be overused, at least not now while they are this little. Meatball still rides rear-facing anyway, as per the new AAP recommendation that kids stay rear-facing until age 2.

Side note, and possibly fuel for a later post: while rearfacing to age 2 isn't law yet in the various states, I've read an alarming number of people responding to the recommendation who come up with the most ridiculous reasons for not wanting to keep their kids facing backwards. Not the least of which is, they can't see the movie. Watching The Boy in his carseat, he wants his feet up if possible, sitting cross-legged. You know, the way that kids have to sit rearfacing. He has outgrown sitting rearfacing, at least in his seat. That's what little kids like to do, so the issue of leg space isn't an issue. Neither are leg injuries. If I post on this topic again, I'll be sure to cite some sources, but right now you'll just have to believe me.

Anyhow, so they were cranky. And The Boy was on potty strike. If anyone has any advice for getting a kid to "try" before leaving or in a rest stop, or anywhere where you know there won't really be another instant opportunity to go, please share. We do need to trust him more, as forcing him to go when he doesn't want to leads to temper tantrums and fits, and sometimes (although, with the exception of today, this hasnt happened in a LONG time) soiled pants out of spite. But he also needs to learn the art of "go now so you don't have to worry about it later." particularly when the rest stops are nice enough to provide little potties for little people.

Also on the list was The Boy pushing his car seat chest clip down. While I have seen these put on incorrectly, we don't mess ours up. A chest clip that is too low (it should be at armpit level for the kid) is unsafe because the carseat straps can fall right off the shoulders, allowing the child to slip out in a crash or even if they move wrong. We stopped the car at the next exit, I got an extra potty break for myself, and we didn't go until The Boy was done. Not screwing around on issues of safety.

Between those things and a lot of yelling on the part of Meatball, it was unpleasant for the kids. We even stopped at my aunt's house in the middle of the trip. Tomorrow (well, tonight, since it is 1:30 AM) we will stay over there to break up the trip.

The last thing I want to do is hold a grudge with the kids over travelling unpleasantness. Particularly since once we arrived, they were very happy. I know that as they get older, they will find ways to amuse themselves and each other that don't involve fighting. They already do some singing in the car and of course we hope to continue that. We also hope to make good travellers out of our kids. Growing up, we took car trips all the time. Usually to Grandma's house.

Why 1:30 AM? Well, I was asleep around 9:30 after finally getting a sleep-resistant Meatball to settle down. I was TIRED. But I was awakened at 12:30 by a crying Boy. The preceding thud didn't disturb me, though. He was asleep in the room down the hall and had fallen out of bed. He is now next to us (but still, he started out on his own so we hopefully won't regress on the Boy's own bed thing). It was enough to wake me and keep me awake. Might be time to play some Winnie The Pooh movie on this iPod. Desperate times...